Deprivation or Self-Regulation?

I recently dropped out of a 30-day program, called Whole 30.

It’s like the caveman diet on steroids.

I made it 9 days. Nine days of no dairy, sugar, alcohol or white carbs, plus about a million other things that were on the naughty list (including hummus and legumes……WTH?)

So, by day 8 I was cranky. No, I was bitchy.

It wasn’t a big deal to eliminate a few of those things, namely sugar, alcohol and dairy. But no quinoa, hummus or brown rice?

No thanks, food police.

It started out feeling like a good way to reset after an enjoyably indulgent holiday season— but slowly morphed into feeling like a walk down deprivation lane.

There is a BIG difference between a feeling of deprivation versus a healthy choice to self regulate something in your life (except for the super bad things, but I will assume if you are here, reading this, you are already healthy enough to know you can’t regulate a healthy amount of crack, cigs or mountain dew ; )

In the world of psychology, self-regulation refers to the ability to self manage potentially disruptive emotions and behaviors.  

Ideally, we all learn to self regulate (consciously choose) things  in our life—food, time, people, our own energy and our overall life choices.

This is where most people end up (hopefully).

We know what we love, know when to say no and when to say yes. It’s common sense for most us, unless we are dealing with addictions and more serious problems than an occasional sugar binge.

We are grown ups about our choices (most days anyway).

And that doesn’t mean we don’t slip. Of course we do.

But it probably doesn’t mean we go as far as drinking a couple bottles of wine on our own, or eating a whole cake in one sitting.

And even then, if we do—we get right back in there and fix it if we are on the path to being conscious.

We own the mistake and aim to not go down that road again.

We get back in the game and choose things that FEED our alignment in life (feeling good, healthy, connected, loved, happy).

Whereas self-regulation is a conscious choice to create a healthy boundary or limit with something (with the main focus on gaining something positive from that)—deprivation has an energy of feeling forced, like we must—or else. It feels restrictive, lacks freedom and doesn’t feel like the main focus is on a gain, but on a loss.

Deprivation isn’t an energy of allowing (and we want to be in an energy of allowing in order to manifest what we want).  

Also—when you venture into the “I feel deprived” zone—it can trigger the desire to go the OTHER way, and overindulge in the very thing you are depriving yourself of.  

I noticed this with Whole 30. It didn’t feel like a healthy self- regulating—it felt like deprivation and I actually felt unusually hungry all the time, even though I was eating plenty.

Maybe some would say I wasn’t strong enough, didn’t push through the discomfort. That maybe I needed to tough it out.

No thanks. I don’t play in that world. I play in the world where I stay aligned with my truth, feel what feels right and follow that.

I’ve pushed enough.

I’ve paddled my canoe upstream enough.

I like the downstream flow better.

It’s easier, more peaceful and way more scenic.

Trusting our inner guidance is where it’s at.

Otherwise, we are living a lie—and we know right where that leads us—to 2 bottles of wine and a pint of Ben and Jerry’s : )

There is no point in denying yourself pleasurable things…just because someone else says it’s the new best thing!

The new, best thing changes all the time, doesn’t it?

So I have a better idea—do your best thing.

Self regulate where you need to. You know where that is.

If you don’t, then get help from someone who can show you how to find your healthy, conscious boundaries and limits.

But if you’re really committed to living a life that’s more of a flame than a flicker—don’t dim that fire by disallowing things that you know make you happy and bring pleasure.

The real kind. Not the transitory, quick fix pleasure. Or addictions that masquerade as healthy pleasures.

As always, this is about you getting very clear about YOU—your desires, your dreams, your challenges and your truth in life.

This isn’t about some silly diet, following what everyone else does, or a rigid way of being in the world.

It’s simply about being you. And listening what feels right for you.

It matters because you’re robbing yourself of your truth if you adhere to things that don’t truly align with who you are.

It’s super dorky, but it’s true—you gotta be true to you.

Choose you. Choose to say YES to what feeds you (in more ways than just food).

And be ok with saying NO to what doesn’t nourish your soul.

Now I am off to have some cheese : )

xo

Carrie

 

p.s I am not anti-Whole 30. It just didn’t work for me. But I have seen it work for many people who need a reset, from a dietary perspective. I know in some situations, it really is a great program. I have been athletic and super healthy all my life, so I didn’t need to lose weight, nor do I have bad eating habits. So for me, this just wasn’t my thang. I also am a recovered bulimic and this started kicking in negative ideas about some foods being “bad.”  From an energetic standpoint, it wasn’t in my best interest to force myself to continue. But I do think the program has value for certain people. 

 

The truth, the whole truth and nothing but the . . .

Yesterday I spent the entire day writing—yet ended up deleting it all. It sucked.

It felt off.  It wasn’t clear and I was tip toeing around what I really wanted to say.

And I am not a good tiptoer.  I like to dive right in to the meat of the matter. That’s my energy.

But yesterday I was tiptoeing, rather than being in my truth.

I wasn’t getting to the heart of the matter, saying what needed to be said and moving on.

And what happens when we do that?

We get bitchy, confused, foggy.

We complain, eat too much, drink too much and come up with all sort of excuses and justifications as to why we aren’t in our truth.

We spend way too much time on Instagram or FB wasting time looking at other peoples lives. We hide.

And the cost, aside from that feeling of being “off” is that it’s soul sucking.

Yep, it’s soul sucking to be disconnected from our truth in life.

Ultimately, if we stay in that space for too long—it robs us of our joy, connection, passion and health.

And being in our truth isn’t always an easy road, as well. Because sometimes that means you may offend people, they may not like what you have to say and they may judge you. They may be threatened by you standing in your power. It may make them feel a whole slew of things, that in the end—aren’t your responsibility.

People may not like you.

SO WHAT!

So what if they judge you. Move ahead anyway.

So what if they make fun of you and talk behind your back. Speak your truth anyway.

So what if they don’t want to be your friend anymore, or stop contacting you. They aren’t a friend anyway. Friends love you—the real you. Not the “you” that conforms to who they think you should be, what you should say, or not say.  If they are really supposed to be in your energy vortex—they will be there.

Otherwise . . . next.

Just be you.

It’s more than enough.

It’s beautiful.

xo

Carrie

 

 

When life gets messy

1messy lifeWho doesn’t have problems?
 
Who doesn’t have concerns, worries and frustrations?
 
Most of us, living on this planet have an issue every now and then (understatement).
 
We have health concerns, environmental concerns, money issues, relationship frustrations, car problems, boss problems, cranky kids—life problems.
 
It’s not perfect or pretty (or seemingly fair) all the time. Not even.

 

Sometimes life just gets messy (as in red-hot mess, messy)

 
And in the not so distant past . . .  that has bothered me a tad.  It had me asking big questions like—

 

  • Why are we even here if it’s such a struggle?
  • Why do we get on such a great life high— only to have shitty things happen?
  • Why cant it just be easier?
  • Why are people so insensitive (or worse)?​
  • Why can’t we all just be born with lasting heath, endless supplies of money and unquestionable values, morals and common sense?
 
Most of us ask these questions (or similar versions or these) at some point.
 
We all get hurt and we all find ways (hopefully) to rebound when life deals us an unwanted hand.
 
And what if . . . ​
—the problems we have are merely opportunities to grab ahold of an even bigger, more profound level of joy, happiness, health and abundance?
—the struggles, pain and hurdles are simply minor road bumps that (with patience, compassion and maybe a couple bottles of good vino) can propel us closer to living our desires?
 
What if the problem has a purpose?
 
Because haven’t you noticed that when you experience something challenging and you approach it from the  “glass half full” perspective—you come out the other side of that with a greater sense of knowing, faith and acceptance?
 
When you can make peace with what is + see the potential gift in the problem—you win.
 
It comes down to this—you have two choices in regards to how you handle snafus, issues, drama + problems—

 

  • You can see every problem a gift. You can see perceived problems as beautiful opportunities for an even deeper sense of acceptance, love and faith. You can see your health issues, your money issue, and your relationship issues—as a great big chance to get super honest and real about what you are truly feeling and thinking in life. It’s a chance to be 100% accountable for your energy. ​

 

  • Or there’s always choice two. Choice two is to stay stuck, give into the problem, believe it and go down the rabbit hole of despair, disease, distrust and fear. Choice two is the one that perpetuates the lie that we are powerless. Choice two, if we don’t learn from it and turn it from foe to friend—is the one that can wreak havoc on your otherwise incredible life.  This choice moves you further away from the life you want. It’s simply the choice to survive (or nose dive) get by, exist and feel more as a victim in life. 
 
You have two choices—to thrive or survive.
 
And when you choose well (in spite of what trials and tribulations are manifesting in your life)—you turn your problem into pure passionate potential.
 
Bad ass, unwavering, passion-filled potential.
 
When you decide to make peace with the problem—you say ‘yes” in an even bigger way to your desires.
 
It’s how we create miracles. It’s how we go on when the going gets tough.
 
So next time you feel irritated, annoyed or let down, ask yourself—”what is this problem teaching me, or asking me to step into and how can I learn quickly, efficiently and lastingly?”
 
Because don’t we all want to learn, move on, grow and be better than we were the day before?
Don’t we all want to be happier, healthier, wealthier and more in alignment with our souls truth?
 
I say yes.
 
Bucket loads of love, goodness + joy your way.

xo

Carrie

 

3 ways to stand out without being obnoxious

How we stand out in our communities, our careers and even our families . . . . doesn’t have to be stand-out-in-a-crowd-ten-top-tips-for-getting-an-it-jobobnoxious to matter. 

Sometimes, we may think that in order to stand out, we have to be different or to force ourselves to act in a manner that isn’t truly who we are. And when I say “stand out” I don’t mean the kind of stand out that people get from being obnoxious , rude or pushy. 

I am talking about that authentic charisma that is a result of  finding, honing and standing in your 100% authentic, raw, real truth.

The NO BS truth.

3 ways to stand out WITHOUT being obnoxious, rude or pushy—

1. Be real. Yep—you are enough, you matter, you have a special something, something that no other human has. Just be you!

2. Know thyself. How can you be real if you don’t know who you are? Honestly, this is the first step. You gotta spend time being with you, understanding you, knowing what you love/don’t love, desire/don’t desire. You need to spend time honing in on exactly what it is that makes you tick, tock and transcend. 

3. Be courageous, take chances, be a big weird-o.  You can’t be “in your zone” and move onto your next level of growth and awareness when you are stuck in the same comfort zone. Standing out may require you move through some fears, take some chances and put yourself out there (and yes,  you may get rejected! It’s ok, remember #1—your are enough)

Our lives have become over busy, right? And what we need to do, is calm down, get clear about what we desire and then we need to choose that—daily. Daily choosing what we love and then rinse, repeat and revisit. 

If you want love, choose to love and be as much about love as you can be.

If you want a bigger e-mail list or to sell more books—then how about just being super real and connecting from that place that is really you. Do it because it radiates YOU so deeply that people can’t say no.

Do it from the inner depths of your sweet little soul.

Dig deep, breath into the essence of you really are–you light filled super human you—and then let that shine through in your work, your love, your interaction with the check out clerk, the way you talk to your kids, the energy you infuse into you food, your home, etc…..

YOU GET TO CHOOSE HOW YOUR LIFE LOOKS AND HOW YOUR LIFE FEELS. IT’S ALL YOU BABY.

So choose, choose, choose wisely (and courageously, lovingly and with purpose)

 xxoo

Carrie

How about a little soul cleanse?

How about a little soul cleanse?

Today feels like a great day to begin a soul cleanse.

A soul cleanse—oh yes, yes, yes!!! What the heck is that, you ask?

A soul cleanse is a deep look into what is working/not working in our lives.

A soul cleanse begins with asking— “what uplifts me, what inspires me, what turns me on and gets me fired up, makes me laugh, smile and feel playful?” 

What makes me feel good. Really good?

And conversely it asks “what is dragging me down, sucking my energy, leaving me feeling depleted, bored, sad and tired?”

What is making me feel crappy? 

A soul cleanse is about weeding out what doesn’t feed your higher purpose in life. And it makes room for more light, love and connectedness to the Source of all life.

Then take note. Allow this new space of openness, shedding of old s**t and letting in of the wanted, the pure, the beautiful and the true.

And if this feels to . . . woo-woo . . . too “out there”—then simply do a little mini cleanse. This can be cleansing your e-mail account of old emails and unsubscribing from lists that don’t add something of value to your life.

It can be getting super honest and clear about what you choose to do with your extra time in life. Is watching TV at night really uplifting you? (and the answer can be YES. The answer doesn’t have to be NO. If watching a couple hours of mindless TV at night helps you relax and it’s working for you—then the only thing you need to drop is the guilt about it and just enjoy it—guilt free.)

You could also do a mini juice cleanse (I am starting the blueprint cleanse in a couple days . . . LOVE this one. I always come out of a juice clean feeling super alive.) Or you could commit to removing junk food from your life for a couple weeks.

The sky is truly the limit. The point of a soul cleanse is to just accept, own and embrace the fact that you have all these delicious CHOICES in this life. And what you choose—impacts your life on so many levels.

So, I say—CHOOSE THOSE THINGS THAT GET YOU CLOSER TO THE TRUTH OF WHO YOU ARE—YOUR SOUL.

Ask that beautiful soul, today, right here and now—what you can do for it.

And just listen. Listen to that part of you that knows, knows exactly what it is that you need.

xo

Carrie