One of the biggest buzz words flying around in the online world, coaching world, and personal success world is the
concept of being authentic.
The gist is that if we are just our 100% authentic selves, then that will somehow skyrocket our lives and businesses.
Umm . . how do I say this without sounding like a big “B”? I would venture to guess that in a majority of cases, it is actually the persons authentic, real self that is getting in the way of having an amazing life and business. There, I said it.
Being authentic and real might not be the best thing in some cases and could in fact be having a negative impact in our lives.
We could be authentically, mean. Authentically depressed. Authentically narcissistic. Authentically wounded. Just because it is real, doesn’t mean it is good, right or the best thing for you.
Sometimes you have to change, grow and evolve, so that your authentic self is the one that works for you, not against you.
My authentic self, at one point was not so amazing. My authentic self was insecure, negative, guilt ridden and just not very happy . . . to say the least.
I was a person that studied self -help and spiritual concepts to the point of overload and still was not getting what I was looking for.
That was the real, authentic me.
So how is that of value to myself or anyone? I know that people might argue that the real meaning of our authentic selves is that part of us that is connected to Source, God–whatever word works for you. But I think it is actually just inferred, more often than explained.
Being authentic in the best sense means working on your shit. There, I said it.
Being authentic means you operate from a place of awareness and consciousness, not old wounds, negative beliefs, or patterns.
If I kept hoping that my authentic self was going to make everything better, I might not be alive to be writing this post. My authentic, real self needed a massive makeover and couldn’t help others until she helped herself.
Being authentic isn’t enough. Because sometimes our authentic self is wounded, hurt, caught up in negative patterns or habits.
Yes, let’s be real. Yes, let’s be authentic. But lets be these things from a space of awareness, consciousness, growth and expansion.
Let’s not use this word and the concept as an excuse to stay stuck.
If we aren’t living the life we truly want and aren’t experiencing the success in life that we desire, then we are not operating with a healthy, well-adjusted authentic self.
That God- like part of us wouldn’t choose that for ourselves. It would choose abundance, healing, joy, connection, confidence and clarity.
There is no way we can help others, or make a positive impact in the world, if we havent first worked through our “stuff.”
Choose to work on you first. Choose to be consciously authentic.
As Abe-Hicks says “Life is supposed to be fun.”
Carrie Jolie Dale
Success. It’s a choice, believe it or not.
The believing part is actually one of the biggest secrets to finding, having , keeping and enjoying success . . . more on that later.
What is success?
Is it money, fame, six pack abs, world travel, a large house, a walk in closet full of shoes (yes!) or is it the love of your life, happiness, feeling connected to your truth, being with friends and family (YES!), or peak health?
Maybe its a combination of those things for you.
To truly achieve success, you first have to define what it means for you.
Success is personal. You define it. Not society, your friends, your parents, not even wikipedia.
Success isn’t some far away, unreachable thing. It is closer than you think. It is as close, or far away as you make it.
It is a choice, as are most things in life.
You choose your thoughts and feelings about success. You choose your thoughts and feelings about anything, actually.
No one forces you to think a certain way.
The reason why many people think being successful is out of reach is primarily because of the beliefs they hold about success.
Yes, there are those that simply don’t want to do the work. But there are also those that don’t choose to do the work because they feel it will be too hard, too much struggle and discomfort.
Do you enjoy doing something when your dominant feeling about it is that it’s going to be super difficult or painful even? Not me.
What if we started to view success as a gift? What if we saw success as our personal road to evolving, stepping into our power, our dreams and our desires? Rather than the dominant viewpoint that its a massive struggle?
Change the thought, to change the thing.
We are so programmed to think it’s hard to get what we want.
How about replacing that with the thought that achieving your definition of success is possible, is within reach and isn’t a brutal experience of difficulty, struggle and pain?
I was talking to a good friend about this recently and they said “It’s hard to be successful, that’s why there isn’t lot of competition, its just too hard for most people.”
I get that, but in all honesty, is the alternative any easier?
Is the alternative of just giving up on what you want easy? Is it easy to settle? Is it easy to try to convince yourself you are happy when you really aren’t? Is it easy to struggle to pay bills? is it easy to have broken relationships? A broken heart?
How about starting to believe that it might just be possible to be successful, on your terms. Or, replace the word “success’ with any word—health, wealth, happiness, consciousness, or connection to truth.
It really comes down to a choice of what you think and feel. Choose successful thoughts to get a successful life.
Leave a comment and let me know what the one thing is that you want to change, or shift in order to feel more successful in your life! I want to know.
Action steps—write these down, journal about it. Get it on paper!!
- What is your definition of success?
- What is the one biggest thing you want to work on, right now, that would make you feel more successful?
- What is one thing you can do in the next week to get that ball rolling?
The believing part. To have anything, we first have to believe it is possible. If you want success, it starts with seeing it, believing it, knowing that you can have it, and being unwavering in that.
Commit to 15 minutes a day, at least 3 days a week, to meditating (or sitting quietly, if the idea of meditation makes you squirm) and focus on just being still, seeing this one thing you are wanting to shift, that will make you feel more successful, as already existing. See yourself as already having this thing that makes you feel successful. See it. Feel it. Know it.
You got this.
First off, remember the golden rule “If you cant say anything nice don’t say anything at all.”
But doesn’t that sometimes just feel like you are the one getting short changed?
Doesn’t it just sometimes feel like those mean, negative nellies and neds need to be put in their place, and have one massive karmic review done?
Trust me when I say, this one was hard for me. I was challenged big time on this one going through a difficult divorce and also making the decision to pursue my love of writing + coaching.
The divorce situation if almost understandable(albeit frustrating), but why the coaching and writing? Why would people be negative about that?
Why would anyone be negative towards you when you decide to chase your dreams, speak your truth,and live your passions?
Because it stirs up their fears, their insecurities, and their wounds. If they are bashing what you are doing, and picking on you—chances are they see you stepping into your light, and they notice how they have allowed their own light to be dimmed.
There are going to be those that try to knock you down—always.
When we, as entrepreneurs—CHOOSE to spread our wings and GO FOR IT—it can stir up stuff in others.
It’s not you. It’s not about you.
And it really doesn’t matter what they think about you.
What they think of you is not the point. How you react to negativity—in any form—is the point.
The truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth is that—you got rise above it. You’ve got to let it go. You’ve got to pull a Ghandi and CHOOSE THE HIGHER ROAD.
Even though it can feel like a pesky little dog bitting at your heels, you gotta find a way to set healthy boundaries, and to not attach to the negativity—that is what most of them want.
They want to prod you enough until you bite back. They want your energy.
They want to prove that you really aren’t that committed, really aren’t that clear and really aren’t that focused.
Don’t let the energy vampires drain your light, your truth, your power. Don’t do it.
This doesn’t mean ignoring it and not standing up for yourself, but it does mean not engaging in unhealthy reactions. You can speak your truth in a calm, clear, grounded way and transcend the unhealthy pattern of being reactive towards negativity.
Your mantra in a tough situation would go like this . . .
“Right now, right here, I have two choices. I can choose to react, engage and let this throw me off track, or I can allow the feelings, recognize them, and CHOOSE to let it go. I choose to feel good.”
The secret to all this is that once you master this, all the sudden these people go away. It’s like the universe popping in every now and then, to see if you have this lesson handled. The less you react and engage, the less they will be biting at your heels.
Try it for 30 days and see what happens. Choose to react differently.
Leave a comment below and let me know how you deal with difficult people!
p.s. Song recommendation: Blind Melon—No Rain.
Sometimes it’s just remembering the little things, in the moment, that can have the biggest impact on our lives.
One thing has been really helpful for me is to remember to keep it simple. One thing at a time. Choice by choice we can make little improvements in our lives and businesses until one day, we look up and we are light years from where we first started.
But you have to start. As the saying goes, Just Do It.
Things wont improve for you unless you make a conscious choice to do so. It doesn’t mean you have to tackle every single thing right now. We want to stay out of overwhelm and into joy and pleasure.
I’m talking about improving your life bit by bit by CHOOSING different thoughts or feelings in the moment.
Eventually, you will raise your energy + vibration by allowing more of the “good” in and not giving energy to the “bad.”
Practice this for a little while and see what happens for you.
I am hoping you too, will see that the better it gets, the better it gets.