This annoys me about the self-help world.

This annoys me about the self-help world.

The self-help industry rakes in over 10 billion dollars a year.  

Needless to say, it’s a pretty big deal.  And since you are here—I am guessing it’s an interest of yours as well.

Maybe you can relate to wanting to be happier and more spiritually connected. Maybe you simply want to learn how to procrastinate less, or be healthier.  Maybe you want to learn about manifesting.

Whatever the reason is for you—it’s a good thing!! I am happy that you want to live the best life you can live and be the best version of you that you can be.

And as with anything in life—there are the good and not so good things that go along with the self-help world.

Some of the biggest issues with the help world are—

  • People use it as a crutch and don’t actually make the changes they read or learn about. They just get lost on the self-help treadmill and don’t reach their goals or intentions.
  • People give up when it gets hard and therefore assume it doesn’t work—blaming the content and the messenger, rather than taking personal accountability.
  • There are online gurus, teachers and coaches that really aren’t out for their customers best interests. In other words, there are quacks and charlatans in the self-help world—ABSOLUTELY.
  • People become enamored with self-help gurus, and give their power away, rather than using what they learn to cultivate and grow their own power and knowing. After all—it is called “self-help” not “guru-help.”  In the end, you have to CHOOSE to use the information you are taking in, to actually create the desired changes or shifts in your life.
  • There is bad information in the self-help world or information that may not be best suited for your specific personality or needs. It’s wise to be discerning about exactly what it is you want and  choose your sources with that in mind.
Another issue that I see popping up in the self-help world, is this idea that you can’t be happy or you’re not living your full potential unless you chase your dreams, passions and desires—no matter what. That you need to make every sacrifice possible to realize your dreams, or you’re not fully living.

This message comes across as almost shaming to people that work a 9 to 5 job, or that aren’t willing to sell all their possessions, travel the world  and give everything to their dreams. It’s this idea that we are copping out on our true souls calling by not putting it ALL on the line and going for it.

And I call b.s.

As Elizabeth Gilbert states—

“For the first ten years of my creative journey, I did not make a single dime out of writing. And for the next ten years of my creative journey (which included the publication of three books) I always kept alternative day jobs — always made sure I had other streams of income to rely upon. I did not quit all my other jobs until EAT PRAY LOVE became a crazy bestseller, you guys. And EAT PRAY LOVE was a freak of nature.
The reason I always maintained other streams of income was because I never wanted to burden my creativity with the task of providing for me in the material world.”

Yes, this.

(If you don’t know who Elizabeth Gilbert is, heres a link to her FB page and the full post)

It’s ok to keep the day job while your building your health coaching business on the side.

It’s ok to work odd jobs here and there while your writing your book—so you can pay the bills (oh, and eat ; ) It’s ok to work at a job that you may not necessarily LOVE, but that gives you a certain degree of security, so that you can really pour your SOUL into that passion of yours.

A passion can quickly turn to a burden if we are losing sleep about how our passion will pay our bills. A passion can quickly turn to a bummer if it’s the only way to pay rent.

There’s no shame in pursuing your dreams and passions part time.

There’s no shame in loving your 9 to 5 and choosing security with a little sacrifice.

And it’s also ok to quit the job you don’t love—and go for it. It’s ok to dream even bigger dreams, challenge yourself and push yourself out of your comfort zone in order to realize your dreams.

You get to choose what’s a better fit for you—that’s the beauty (and sometimes, the burden) of living an aware, energetically rich life. Your ability to choose how you want to spend your time—is a gift and ultimately, the very thing that helps you create a life you truly love.

Much love and happy Monday!

What will you choose to create, feel, do, focus on this week? Just the small act of being more aware of what you are choosing, is huge step in living a life that lights you up.

xo

Carrie

Deprivation or Self-Regulation?

I recently dropped out of a 30-day program, called Whole 30.

It’s like the caveman diet on steroids.

I made it 9 days. Nine days of no dairy, sugar, alcohol or white carbs, plus about a million other things that were on the naughty list (including hummus and legumes……WTH?)

So, by day 8 I was cranky. No, I was bitchy.

It wasn’t a big deal to eliminate a few of those things, namely sugar, alcohol and dairy. But no quinoa, hummus or brown rice?

No thanks, food police.

It started out feeling like a good way to reset after an enjoyably indulgent holiday season— but slowly morphed into feeling like a walk down deprivation lane.

There is a BIG difference between a feeling of deprivation versus a healthy choice to self regulate something in your life (except for the super bad things, but I will assume if you are here, reading this, you are already healthy enough to know you can’t regulate a healthy amount of crack, cigs or mountain dew ; )

In the world of psychology, self-regulation refers to the ability to self manage potentially disruptive emotions and behaviors.  

Ideally, we all learn to self regulate (consciously choose) things  in our life—food, time, people, our own energy and our overall life choices.

This is where most people end up (hopefully).

We know what we love, know when to say no and when to say yes. It’s common sense for most us, unless we are dealing with addictions and more serious problems than an occasional sugar binge.

We are grown ups about our choices (most days anyway).

And that doesn’t mean we don’t slip. Of course we do.

But it probably doesn’t mean we go as far as drinking a couple bottles of wine on our own, or eating a whole cake in one sitting.

And even then, if we do—we get right back in there and fix it if we are on the path to being conscious.

We own the mistake and aim to not go down that road again.

We get back in the game and choose things that FEED our alignment in life (feeling good, healthy, connected, loved, happy).

Whereas self-regulation is a conscious choice to create a healthy boundary or limit with something (with the main focus on gaining something positive from that)—deprivation has an energy of feeling forced, like we must—or else. It feels restrictive, lacks freedom and doesn’t feel like the main focus is on a gain, but on a loss.

Deprivation isn’t an energy of allowing (and we want to be in an energy of allowing in order to manifest what we want).  

Also—when you venture into the “I feel deprived” zone—it can trigger the desire to go the OTHER way, and overindulge in the very thing you are depriving yourself of.  

I noticed this with Whole 30. It didn’t feel like a healthy self- regulating—it felt like deprivation and I actually felt unusually hungry all the time, even though I was eating plenty.

Maybe some would say I wasn’t strong enough, didn’t push through the discomfort. That maybe I needed to tough it out.

No thanks. I don’t play in that world. I play in the world where I stay aligned with my truth, feel what feels right and follow that.

I’ve pushed enough.

I’ve paddled my canoe upstream enough.

I like the downstream flow better.

It’s easier, more peaceful and way more scenic.

Trusting our inner guidance is where it’s at.

Otherwise, we are living a lie—and we know right where that leads us—to 2 bottles of wine and a pint of Ben and Jerry’s : )

There is no point in denying yourself pleasurable things…just because someone else says it’s the new best thing!

The new, best thing changes all the time, doesn’t it?

So I have a better idea—do your best thing.

Self regulate where you need to. You know where that is.

If you don’t, then get help from someone who can show you how to find your healthy, conscious boundaries and limits.

But if you’re really committed to living a life that’s more of a flame than a flicker—don’t dim that fire by disallowing things that you know make you happy and bring pleasure.

The real kind. Not the transitory, quick fix pleasure. Or addictions that masquerade as healthy pleasures.

As always, this is about you getting very clear about YOU—your desires, your dreams, your challenges and your truth in life.

This isn’t about some silly diet, following what everyone else does, or a rigid way of being in the world.

It’s simply about being you. And listening what feels right for you.

It matters because you’re robbing yourself of your truth if you adhere to things that don’t truly align with who you are.

It’s super dorky, but it’s true—you gotta be true to you.

Choose you. Choose to say YES to what feeds you (in more ways than just food).

And be ok with saying NO to what doesn’t nourish your soul.

Now I am off to have some cheese : )

xo

Carrie

 

p.s I am not anti-Whole 30. It just didn’t work for me. But I have seen it work for many people who need a reset, from a dietary perspective. I know in some situations, it really is a great program. I have been athletic and super healthy all my life, so I didn’t need to lose weight, nor do I have bad eating habits. So for me, this just wasn’t my thang. I also am a recovered bulimic and this started kicking in negative ideas about some foods being “bad.”  From an energetic standpoint, it wasn’t in my best interest to force myself to continue. But I do think the program has value for certain people. 

 

The key to being happy, healthy + wealthy

Sometimes getting clear about where we are in life can be a bit like ripping a band off super fast. band_aidIt may hurt a little, you may make a funny face and afterwords—you’ll realize it wasn’t such a big hairy deal after all.

THE TRUH IS—happiness, health and wealth are choices.

You may think that statement is unrealistic, call me a dreamer, or my favorite—an idealist.

And let’s be clear before you virtually throw a book at me—I am not discounting that people have real problems.

People don’t have money—they grow up poor.

People are born with health issues that were clearly NOT their choice.

And there are people who, no matter how hard they try—can’t find happiness.

I agree—people have problems. I agree—life can be hard.

I agree—we don’t always get to choose what happens to us, the family we are born into, or our genetics.

I get that life can deal us a bad hand.

And what I also know—is that no matter what sort of shit storm life throws your way—you can still choose to be happy.

You can still choose to create wealth.

You can still choose to work towards being healthier, no matter what your genetics.

The point is—you can mold, shape and manifest (if you wanna get all spiritual) a life that feels better to you (or that is closer to your dream life) by simply learning to be way, way, way more choosy about your choices.

Here are some examples (and they work if you actually do them…so do them gosh darnit!)

Instead of feeling_____________ when I am driving and that person doesn’t use their turn signal, I choose to feel___________ (you are working towards putting something a bit more positive and good feeling in the second space)

Rather than thinking______________when my checking account balance is under $50, I will instead choose to think______________(you are aiming to come up with a feeling that is a slight improvement from the first feeling. If you truly feel panicked about not having enough money, you probably won’t force a feeling of total confidence about it. But you can find a thought/feeling that is a bit better than panic)

I could really tell that person to_______________ right now, but I will choose to think, do or say ____________because that is a better energy and I know (in the long run) this will raise my vibration and deliver boatloads of life goodies my way. 

My back hurts, I will never lose this weight, my parents were like this, so I am stuck with it. Basically, my health is_________.  And I also know that I co-create my reality with thoughts, feelings and actions, so if I truly want to be a health machine, I better change my thoughts, feelings and actions. I will work on feeling more___________about my health and come up with ways to support a healthy lifestyle rather than adding to the negative energy that perpetuates it. 

*** so the idea here is to fill in the first blank with the actual thing you may feel in that instance. And the second or third blanks, you are reaching for a better thought or feeling. It does NOT have to be fake or forced, just a slight energetic improvement. And in the end, even if all this hocus-pocus manifesting stuff doesn’t work (I wholeheartedly DON’T believe that, because I am living, breathing proof it does) you will at least learn a method to feel a bit better when the going gets tough. 

So fill in the blanks of your life with new, better feelings and thoughts. It really does work, but not if you only think about it here and there and get lazy pants about it. 

If you want the change, you gotta change. You have to choose differently. 

Rip that bandaid off and get it over with already!

xo

Carrie

p.s  always cheering you on…..always. 

Coming Your Way Soon—Mercury Retrograde

This one is gonna be good!  

It’s about re-invention.

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I LOVE RE-ANYTHING!  IT SIGNIFIES A  FRESH START.  It means we get to re-do, re-claim, re-focus, re-learn, re-love, re-choose + re-member.

Want better health, more wealth, that hunky love partner, or world peace? You get to reinvent what that means for you now. 

Dear Souls . . . there is truly no need to EVER freak out or be worried about things. Worry is not a vibration that attracts what you want.

Worrying isn’t high vibration (and plus it feels horrible)

In fact, worry just generally keeps us stuck in cycles that give us more shit to worry about. 

So, put on your positivity pants and gear up for another powerful, transformational Mercury Retrograde. 

 

If you don’t know what mercury retrograde—I would love to fill you in. 

Mercury Retrograde happens about 3-4 times a year and—in a nutshell—the planet Mercury slows down in its orbit and appears to move backwards. 

However, this is an optical illusion (no planets move backwards).  According to the smarty pants as NASA (it’s not just us woo-woo types that talk about Mercury Retrogrades) the normal motion of stars and planets in our nights sky—goes from west to east direction. This is called prograde motion. 

A retrograde of any planet occurs when it shifts from an east to west direction before turning back to prograde motion.  

The planetary dance that happens in this process, is our beloved Mercury Retrograde period. 

Mercury Retrograde has become quite the buzzwords and people get all freaked out about their computers breaking down, cars not working, flights being cancelled and basically, all hell breaking loose on earth. 

And why do people think this?  

From an astrological perspective, Mercury is the planet that rules all forms of communication, travel, clarity and honesty. 

 

So when planet Mercury starts shaking things up out there in the universe (by going into a retrograde), the school of thought is that our earthly matters that are connected to travel, communication and these sorts of things—go a bit helter-skelter. 

Whether you believe this to be true, or not—as with anything in life—just being aware and conscious is a good choice.

If it does exist and does genuinely impact things in your life—then approaching these times thoughtfully and with awareness—is a perfect way to flow with it.  

Personally, I do notice a big shift in energy during retrogrades and I have used these times for great, positive transformations in my own life.   

I get all geeked out about retrogrades because for me, they symbolize a time to go inward, reflect and reinvigorate. 

To reiterate . . . there is no need to worry during a retrograde. 

Thoughts are things dears. And we choose our thoughts (this is powerful)

 

Can we prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that Mercury Retrograde does what people says it does? Nope!

But we can be aware. And we can use every moment—whether its a retrograde, or not—to choose to be aware, conscious and in alignment with what we want to do in life and who we want to be. 

The most current retrograde happens next week—January 21st through February 11th, 2015.  The other two this year are on May 18th—June 11th and September 17th—October 9th. 

Mark it on your calendars (or not). And maybe make a note to keep a journal during retrogrades to see what you observe in your own life. 

I happen to have 2 trips planned during this retrograde and I am feeling quite jazzed about both of them.

As with anything—it comes down to a choice.

 

A choice to think a certain way, feel a certain way and act in a certain way—that lines up with what you want in life. Whatever it may be— a reinvention during a powerful retrograde, or better health, more passion and love in your life, or simply more happiness—it’s all about choosing thoughts and feelings that get you closer to those things. 

Welcome the retrograde, or ignore it altogether—it’s your choice. 

Much love to you this day and every day!

Carrie

p.s. Try to NOT get caught in the trap of blaming unwanted things on the planets (lovingly). Rather, embrace these times and access your true and birth given power. Use these times for re-inventing what it means to be the you that you want to be. 

The Top 10

Carrie’s Top 10 List—The Big Kahunas (the things that have impacted my life on a grand + top10spectacular scale)   

 

  • Commitment to awareness. This has to top my list, because without this in the lead—there wouldn’t be a list. I wouldn’t really think about it. I would be largely unaware of my life. In the past, I “lived” life asleep on so many levels. Asleep and numb to how I really felt, what I really wanted and what was truly possible. And when I made the choice to step into being committed to being aware (of my feelings, my thoughts, my reactions and the overall vibe of my life)—I began to get way more tuned into what truly mattered to me. Once you know what you truly desire—you are one step closer to receiving it. 

  • Journaling. This should come as no surprise, being a writer and all. But I actually never really enjoyed journaling. For me, I preferred typing on a keyboard, which is such a familiar thing for me, given my background as a pianist. But a dear friend/mentor of mine, showed me just how beneficial journaling can be. There is a different mechanism that happens when we actually physically write over typing on a keyboard. It’s super satisfying and helps me wind down after a long day at the computer. 

  • Books (shocker!). Aside from being a voracious writer, I am a voracious reader. I LOVE to read and at most times, have about 3 books going at the same time. The books that have had the biggest impact on me (of late)have been:  A Course in Miracles (I struggled with this book in the past, because it read a bit like the bible, but if you stick with the workbook section and are ready for this sort of thing—I have found it miraculous) Abraham-Hicks books (any of them are good, or even just their daily quotes—they are the masters on the topic of energy and vibration)

  • Relationships.  This last year, one of my biggest “A-HA’s” was just how critical it is for me to have healthy relationships. If there is something a bit off or unresolved in one of my primary relationships—it throws everything off its axis. And maybe this goes hand in hand with #1 on the list—that when you commit to awareness in your life—you can’t pretend or ignore when something is off and when the energy around it isn’t in alignment with what you want. If you work on healing and making peace with strained relationships—it spills into all the other areas of your life. 

  • Nature. I need nature to feel grounded. It’s that simple. When I feel scattered, I simply go outside and sink my feet in the earth, or walk in the woods and it’s an instant game changer. Find that thing that can instantly change your mood from heavy to light. 

  • Exercise/Health.  This is another critical one for me and will most likely always have a place on my top 10 list. I have to exercise or I CLIMB WALLS.  I also am a fan of supplements and eating in a way that honors what my body wants. I don’t follow any diets, or mainstream advice on what is healthy/not healthy. You can find just as many studies that prove one approach to health and diet is good—as you can find studies to show that it’s not. Bottom line—find out what feels in alignment with you. Always. 

  • Creative outlet. For me, bringing things back into my life—like the piano and cooking— has been a great creative outlet. After a long day of writing—to create an amazing French meal is super relaxing. 

  • Travel. I must have been a gypsy in a past life, because I MUST have a change of scenery periodically or I go bonkers. I love going to new place, discovering new foods, people, etc. It makes me feel alive. 

  • Honoring what I love. This is what happens when you become committed to awareness. You discover more of what you really love and don’t love. Once you get to that point, the going backwards thing feels horrible. I love—candles, baths, good food, happy (but not fake happy) people, my kids, my dogs, my man, nature, nice clothes, travel, health, exercise, play, talking with God, creating, enjoying, luxury, flying first class, FRANCE and of course, everything on this list!

  • Solitude. This is a must have and a major epiphany for me this last year. I fought it because I associated wanting and needing good chunks of solitude as being—antisocial, introverted or like I was resisting something. That I needed to push through this and want to enjoy being in the company of others more often. Nope!  My truth is that I require a certain amount of solitude to feel grounded and at my best, peak operating level.

So there you have it!  I would encourage you, if you haven’t already to think over what your personal list may look like.

Because taking the time to do this (and writing it down) is a critical step in being aligned with what you want in life. You can go through life on autopilot (and if it works, then great!) or you can become very tuned into what it is you want, what you like and what makes you feel your best. 

And when we feel our best—we are magnets attracting more of that goodness our way. 

A bientôt!

xo

Carrie