I am convinced all of humanity is born with more gifts than we know. Most are born geniuses and just get de-geniused rapidly.
Why are we so hard on ourselves? Why are we so quick so self-criticize and so slow to give ourselves a break? What beliefs have we learned that cause us to keep repeating this pattern of being hard on ourselves? They aren’t beliefs that you want to hang onto if you plan on creating a life you love.
Because an energy of being hard on yourself, is not an energy of allowing.
If you’ve been with me for any time at all—then you know I am all about the power of choice. And using that power to help us live better lives—live that are beautiful and energetically RICH. And “better” is really something that we have to define on our own terms, right? What does a better life mean to you? More time with your family + friends? More travel? More money? Better health? A more satisfying career? What is it for you? I know it seems like a little thing, but it’s often the little things that have the biggest impact on our lives. So for today, think about what would make life better for you. And then think about all the ways you may beat yourself up a little bit for not having those things. Maybe you want to drop 10 pounds and feel more healthy—but you can’t seem to find the time to make it to the gym and the ice cream seems to have some sort of evil spell on you—so you beat yourself up for not doing it “better.” Being hard on yourself about eating the ice cream, or not making it the gym—isn’t going to help you get closer to what you want. Instead of getting yourself into a tizzy about it try to— Let go of feeling like you aren’t doing it right.
But if not, don’t beat yourself up about it. Change your energy about it—or go. If you want to have a life that truly FEELS better to you, then you gotta start with not beating yourself up for not being where you want to be. You get where you want to be—faster and with much less struggle—by being easy on yourself and choosing things that support your bigger visions. And baby step by baby step, bit by bit—you’ll get there. And then once you’re there—you’ll discover new, exciting crazy new adventures you want to add to your list. The overall gist?
Enjoy the journey. And be easy on yourself along the way.
Big blessings, Carrie
Self help is great in some respects and in others, it can be frustrating, confusing and jut plain wackadoodle.
It’s not that I don’t think it has merit (I am a self help author and coach after all : )
It’s that there are a few central beliefs that are thrown around in the self help world, that may trip people up.
They may actually make you wanna pull your hair out and scream profanities at the universe.
We start to hear them so much—that they are reduced to catchy new age slogans that we sort of tune out after awhile.
You learn about the “manifest your dreams” thing. You study it. You get excited about it. You read more books about it, maybe attend a workshop.
You’re hopeful. Excited even.
And then it doesn’t work.
You still don’t like your job.
You still feel disconnected.
You still don’t have six pack abs, stacks of gold or endless youth and vitality.
And you certainly don’t feel like you’re manifesting your dreams.
So you decide that—
Self help must not work. That woo-woo stuff must be a bunch of b.s.
And you scream profanities at the universe.
I get it. I’ve been there.
If you follow the self help or spiritual growth world—there’s little doubt you’ve heard the following sayings. But as with anything in life, let’s look at them with a curious, open mind and make sure they are truly of benefit to us—and not actually holding us back or a source of frustration (an energy that doesn’t help us to attract what we want)
8 self-help beliefs that may do more harm than good—
1. Everything happens for a reason—Maybe it doesn’t. Maybe some things happens, just because they do. Maybe we don’t need to try to connect ourselves to horrible things, and internalize that we deserve it, or we attracted it. Maybe some things just happen, regardless of our energy, our horoscope or how the planets are lined up. Maybe the only reason it happened is for us to learn to maintain our vibration, no matter what (very good idea indeed)
2. Ask and it is given. Maybe everything we ask for, isn’t given—in exactly the way we ask for it…. Maybe, as the Rolling Stones say—”You can’t always gets what you want, but if you try sometimes, you get what you need.”
This, I found to be spot on. While I genuinely believed that winning millions in the lottery was not only possible, but highly probable, it still didn’t happen. But what did happen, is that I won the “life lottery” in so many more meaningful ways than just a mountain of money (but yes, the prosperity showed up too : )
3. You get what you give (or you attract everything to you based on what energy you give out in the world) Mmmmmm, as much as Abraham Hicks tries to explain why young kids get horrible diseases, and why traumatic things happen to innocent souls—I don’t buy this one all the time.
And, it’s another potential black hole for guilt. If all these bad things happen to me—then I must have deserved it, right? This one, we need to take with a grain of salt and be easy on ourselves.
Yes, I do believe we are energetic magnets. I do think there is great value in learning to master how we feel and what we think. I also believe that there are certain things that fall out of our ability to explain, or make sense of. And the best thing we can do is get back to a place of feeling good, feeling better and being playful, deliberate and light about our energy, no matter what happens.
4. Don’t do it if it doesn’t feel good. I am pretty sure cleaning toilets won’t ever feel good to me. Or paying taxes. But I do them anyway. I like not being in jail and having a clean toilet! And even beyond those trivial things—there are the larger growth phases we may go through in life, that don’t feel good. But when we move beyond our comfort zone, feel a bit of the uncomfortableness—the gifts that are on the other side are worth it.
5. Live just for the moment, just for the now. As a parent of an 18 and 20 year old, to tell them to only live for the now and today—would be leaving out a big part of it. Yes, I get the idea behind this one. Be present. Enjoy the now. But I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that my “now” is pretty amazing because a few years back, I planned ahead, thought about my future and set things in motion to make sure my “now” would be what I wanted it to be.
Sometimes you gotta live for tomorrow a little bit as well. It’s not just about now. It’s about setting the intention to have a succession of successful and pleasing “nows.” That requires we think ahead, plan ahead and create a vision for what we want our tomorrow to look like.
6. Never say never. I am never going to intentionally eat insects. Never. Never going to jump out of a plane. Never. I will never again spend so much of my energy on being angry or arguing over pointless things. There are things I know I will never do again. It’s ok to say never when you’re that clear. Clarity is good.
There is good intention behind all these beliefs. And there are aspects of each, that I believe to be absolutely true.
But the main point we need to remember here is this—
Lets not be sheeple!!! (see definition)
Believe it because it feels right and adds value to your life.
We gravitate towards self help to be helped.
To feel better. To manifest our dreams. To feel loved and connected.
We reach out to self help to . . . get help!
So if it isn’t helping, then move on or take a good hard look at YOU.
Maybe it isn’t the saying that doesn’t work. Maybe it’s old beliefs, ways of thinking and feeling that are tripping you up.
Maybe you do create your reality through your energy—but simply understanding what that means, isn’t enough.
It has to be lived.
And it has to be felt, known and believed in such a way that there isn’t an OUNCE OF DOUBT.
AND THAT, my dear friend—takes patience, time and commitment.
But that’s a whole other topic (and post)
Remember—it takes us decades to learn ways of reacting, feeling and thinking in the world that maybe DON’T work in our favor.
So let’s give ourselves a little break, be patient and acknowledge that it may take a bit more that a workshop, a book or one online program—to change something in our life.
Self-help and personal growth are merely tools we can use to get closer to what we want in life.
But ultimately any of those tools, beliefs and online workshops, aren’t worth a dime if your aren’t going to make a conscious choice to change the thing you want to change.
SO IT COMES DOWN TO A CHOICE.
You have to consciously CHOOSE to change.
But how cool is that?
It’s ultimately, your choice.
Your choice how your life looks + feels.
Sometimes, we may think that in order to stand out, we have to be different or to force ourselves to act in a manner that isn’t truly who we are. And when I say “stand out” I don’t mean the kind of stand out that people get from being obnoxious , rude or pushy.
I am talking about that authentic charisma that is a result of finding, honing and standing in your 100% authentic, raw, real truth.
The NO BS truth.
3 ways to stand out WITHOUT being obnoxious, rude or pushy—
1. Be real. Yep—you are enough, you matter, you have a special something, something that no other human has. Just be you!
2. Know thyself. How can you be real if you don’t know who you are? Honestly, this is the first step. You gotta spend time being with you, understanding you, knowing what you love/don’t love, desire/don’t desire. You need to spend time honing in on exactly what it is that makes you tick, tock and transcend.
3. Be courageous, take chances, be a big weird-o. You can’t be “in your zone” and move onto your next level of growth and awareness when you are stuck in the same comfort zone. Standing out may require you move through some fears, take some chances and put yourself out there (and yes, you may get rejected! It’s ok, remember #1—your are enough)
Our lives have become over busy, right? And what we need to do, is calm down, get clear about what we desire and then we need to choose that—daily. Daily choosing what we love and then rinse, repeat and revisit.
If you want love, choose to love and be as much about love as you can be.
If you want a bigger e-mail list or to sell more books—then how about just being super real and connecting from that place that is really you. Do it because it radiates YOU so deeply that people can’t say no.
Do it from the inner depths of your sweet little soul.
Dig deep, breath into the essence of you really are–you light filled super human you—and then let that shine through in your work, your love, your interaction with the check out clerk, the way you talk to your kids, the energy you infuse into you food, your home, etc…..
YOU GET TO CHOOSE HOW YOUR LIFE LOOKS AND HOW YOUR LIFE FEELS. IT’S ALL YOU BABY.
So choose, choose, choose wisely (and courageously, lovingly and with purpose)
Yes, that is me right there in front the Eiffel tower with my lovely daughters.
One of my bucket list items was to take them to France and Italy for a couple weeks and it was such an incredible experience.
I have a thing for France (I am there yearly) but this was my girls first time to get to experience the whole European thing.
It was truly a memory I will cherish FOREVER! (thank you God)
Some people may look at this and think “great, its easy for her . . . she has money” or “how self-serving” and even “that won’t ever happen for me.”
I so get this, because I used to think and say those things (and in fact, sometimes I slip and find myself falling back into patterns that don’t help me live to my full potential)
But the truth is—I didn’t get to the Eiffel tower, to spending weeks in Europe and having incredible relationships and experiences—by coming up with great excuses and justifications.
I worked on my shit.
I healed the places that were stuck, dark, angry and just plain icky.
We can’t get to our next “level” of growth and awareness if we are stuck in patterns that were responsible for getting us there in the first place.
Simply, we need to change if we want things to change. And it’s really not that hard.
Scary? Maybe a little.
But whats worse? Stretching to a new level and feeling some discomfort along the way—with the hope of creating new, great things in your life.
Or……playing it safe, staying where you are because it’s “a sure thing, ” safe or comfortable.
What feels better? What feels worse?
All it takes to live a life you really want—is to consciously know what it is you desire, write it down, nurture is like a tiny baby kitten and then get (and STAY) excited about that tiny baby kitten (which is the love, the travel, the experiences, the new home, the healed relationship with your mom)
You can’t expect to get to Paris, when your stuck in Wal-mart (no disrespect if you’re a Wal-Mart lover—it just creates a feeling of “lack of” whenever I have ventured in there)
You can’t expect to feel high energy and on top of the world, when your feelings and beliefs have you feeling buried.
You cant have a ton of $$ in your bank account when you FEEL broke.
You start the process of living an exquisite life by actually starting to live like you have one.
But how? How do you get from feeling mostly burnout to feeling beautiful?
You take baby steps and you are relentless about doing nothing other than working on feeling good, feeling better and being clear about your desires. You gotta know what it is you want first, then you gotta learn to be a vibrational match to that thing.
Then you sit back, chill-ax and know it’s coming (but you cant get irritated + annoyed if you think you’re not getting it when you want it…you can’t fall into that trap)
Most people won’t be able to jump from broke to billion, so you start one day at a time, choose your thoughts, feelings and actions to line up with your Eiffel tower—that thing that truly lights you up and that makes you feel all warm and fuzzy.
p.s. what’s your Eiffel tower? What’s that thing you want to conquest next? Let’s get on it! Share with me—I wanna know!