Why we don’t change (even when we really want to).

Why we don’t change (even when we really want to).

Life begins at the end of your comfort zone.

—Neale Donald Walsch

Who hasn’t wanted to change something in their life? 
Who hasn’t wanted to make more money, lose a little weight, or maybe start eating healthier? 
Most humans, at one point or another, have wanted to change something.
True? Yes, true. 
And the sad and gloomy truth is—most people don’t.
Sorry to be a Debbie Downer. ?
Most people want to change, try to change and they just . . . . don’t do it. 
While we can all come up with a ga-zillion reasons why we didn’t do THAT THING (that we thought would make us happier, healthier, or wealthier) the MAIN reason we dont’ change is because  . . . 
IT”S HARD. IT’S UNCOMFORTABLE. IT’S SCARY. IT CAN SUCK A LITTLE. 
And while we all may sit around chat-chatting about how much we want X, Y or Z,  there are about 1-3% of us that will actually pull through and make those big changes and keep at it consistently. 
We don’t change just because it’s hard? Yep, just because it’s hard. 
Let’s be real . . . . faced with 2 choices, we almost always take the one that feels easier and safer.   
We almost always choose what we know, even if it’s not the best thing for us. 
We are creatures of habit, even when those habits are harmful to us. 
Even when those habits can be lethal to us. 
So what’s the trick?
What’s the key to getting into the 1-3% group? 
As cliché as it may sound—they feel the fear and do it anyway.
They carpe diem the shit out of each day. 
They don’t give up when it’s hard. They get help. 
And they drop the excuses, the justifications and the old stories that keep them in stuck-ville. 
The super cool thing about it is—it’s only hard for a little while. 
 
Then the things that once felt uncomfortable start feeling less uncomfortable or challenging.  
You start to feel more ALIVE changing your diet, eating more high vibe foods and saying no to the daily donuts (or 5 cups of joe). 
You feel more COMFORTABLE asking for the sale with your clients. 
You don’t want to pee yourself when you say yes to a public speaking event (and actually follow through with it).
You start to feel more confident speaking your truth. 
You step through what scares you, face it like superwoman (or man) and you do what the other 97% won’t.  
You change. You say yes to your power. You open up new doors to all sorts of magic. 
And then you just keep doing it. Rinse and repeat. 
The main thing to remember when you are seeking change in your life . . .
You have 2 choices—
1. To hold back and not go after that thing you want to shift, change or try. To keep living in fear. To keep doing things that you know are chipping away at your soul. 
2. Do it. Face it. Conquer it. Choose to say YES to creating new habits. Habits that get you on track to living an incredible, energetically rich and connected life. 
And you don’t have to do it alone. In fact, I would highly advise not doing it alone. 
Get help. Get a coach or mentor. Read the books. Reach out to others who have been where you’re at and made the changes. 
And then welcome yourself to the 3%-ers club! The club for those ready to live life on their terms—a life outside of that boring old box. 
xo
Carrie
p.s. I help people see their energetic blocks and give them tools to fix them. If you are READY to work on changing something NOW and are done messing around, click here to grab a clarity call .  

5 misconceptions about manifesting.

The topic of manifesting has been around for a LONG time.
 
Before authors like Esther Hicks and Wayne Dyer brought the concepts of law of attraction mainstream—these ideas could be found sprinkled throughout the Bible, in Buddhist beliefs and in Ancient Egyptian writings.
 
It’s a topic that has been written and talked about by some of the greatest and most powerful minds of all time—and for good reason.
 

The idea is—that when you line up you energy with what you desire in life and make a conscious effort to consistently keep your energy aligned with those things—they will appear in your life (manifest).

But have you ever asked for something from the universe and it hasn’t magically show up for you?
 
Have you read many of these great books, felt pretty certain you’re doing what you’re supposed to—and things haven’t shown up for you?
 
Law of Attraction (LOA) and manifesting are brilliant tools to help us create a life we love—when they work. But there are several flaws or misconceptions that trip people up when trying to understand and apply manifesting principles.
 
Here are 5 of those misconceptions—
 
1.  It’s simple or easy.  When people hear “Ask and it is given”—they think that all they need to do is ask and it is given.  While this is possible, it’s not the norm (otherwise everyone would win the lottery : ) It’s not just about asking. It’s aboutlining up your energy with what you want—and that isn’t always simple or easy.  If you have a lifetime of negative energy about a topic (say creating wealth)—it may take more than just asking to change those ingrained beliefs. We have to combine a shift in our feelings and beliefs about what we desire with the asking.
 
2. It’s too complicated and requires too much work.  Yes, it can be seen as both oversimplified AND overcomplicated. Most people like the idea of “Ask and it’s given”—because it’s simple. Asking is easy, right? But the truth is—it can get complicated and a little messy when we are trying to rewrite years of messed up programming in our brains. Just as we can get tripped about it being too easy (and give up when it’s not) we can get tripped up on it being too much work. The point is—being aware to not let either excuse hold you back.
 
3. Focus on the future, not the present.  The key to being successful at manifesting is to learn to keep your primary focus on the NOW.  This trips people up because it seems like the very essence of manifesting is to create something that isn’t here yet—which sort of automatically puts us in the future. But it isn’t about feeling better once we get what we want. It’s about placing the focus on the NOW and feeling good NOW. This is what helps us get in the miracle zone with manifesting.
 
4. Thinking it’s about the end result.  We almost always associate manifesting with an end result—I will be happier once I get x,y or z. It’s hard not to because that’s sort of why we are doing in in the first place, right? We are working on changing our energy, so we can get something we don’t have . . . an end result. This isn’t the way to look at it though. The key is to be clear about what you want, yes. But then the key is to keep a steady, excited energy in the present moment. The better you get at feeling good NOW, regardless of what’s showing up in your life—the more a magnet you become for your desires.
 
5. Not enough clear steps and guidance on the “how-to” part of it.Clear, consistent “how-to” steps in regards to manifesting are left out of many of the teachings—or it’s confusing. Simply telling someone to feel good who has been chronically depressed most of their life–won’t help. You need clear guidance and steps and the how-to when you’re dealing with deeply ingrained habits of thinking and feeling.
 
These 5 misconceptions can get in the way of us learning to create what we want in life with manifesting .
 
And sometimes by simply understanding the flaws in something—you can gain more clarity about the strengths.
 
But one thing I want to make SUPER clear is that these “flaws” are really flaws in how we are perceiving manifesting. It’s not that there are flaws in manifesting—there are flaws in how we are relating to and interpreting it.
 
When you get to the point with manifesting where things just seem to effortlessly fall into place—it really is like living in a magical world. But as with most great things in life—there’s a learning curve.
 
It requires a bit of work and persistence.
 
But after awhile, it gets easier.
 
It becomes more habitual.
 
And you trade those feelings, thoughts and beliefs that worked against getting what you want—with the new improved versions.
 
The versions that support your well-being and happiness.
 
And that’s worth the work, in my opinion!
 
xo
Carrie

A faster path to manifesting what you want.

If you haven’t noticed already, the “choice” thing is something I cover quite a bit. 

It’s not just because I wrote a book about it. And It’s not just because I like talking about the same thing over and over again. 

I talk, coach and teach about the power of choice—because it’s the #1 thing that can transform your life with the least amount of effort, struggle or frustration.

Once you learn what exactly to do with the power of choice—manifesting what you want gets a whole lot easier and more enjoyable. 

And the super quickie manifesting 101 lesson is this—manifesting is nothing more than matching your energy (thoughts and feelings) to what you want.

It’s having healthy feelings about money, wealth and prosperity—if you want more prosperity.

It’s about having good feelings and thoughts about your body—if you want a healthy body. 

Getting what you want (manifesting) is nothing more than CHOOSING WHAT TO THINK AND FEEL  and holding that consistently and truthfully. 

Let me ask you a couple questions . . . 

When was the last time someone forced you to feel a certain way?

When was the last time someone forced you to think a certain thought? 

The answer is never!

We may think someone makes us feel and think a certain way—but the 100% truth (and yes, sometimes the truth hurts a little) is that WE are the ones responsible for what we think and how we feel. 

And what we think and feel are choices—that are either moving us closer to more travel, a rockin’ healthy body and our soulmate finding us. Or not. 

So this awareness will either make you 1. Giddy, excited, thrilled to know you have a certain degree of control (although I don’t like that word)  over certain things in your life or 2. Freaked out to know that you have a certain degree of control over how things go in your life. 

When this idea truly sinks in for people and when they truly grasp how much power they have when they become accountable to what they think and how they feel—this is when things get fun. 

It’s when doors open, magic happens and lives are transformed. 

And thats not to say there won’t be ANY uncomfortableness along your path to creating your dreams, desires and goals.  But the whole “no pain, no gain” thing—is not required when you want to shift something in your life.

Sometimes when we are learning to THINK AND FEEL differently about money, health, work (any topic really) —we need to put a bit more effort into replacing beliefs and feelings that DON’T SERVE WHAT WE WANT and replace them with thoughts and feelings that do. 

Simple? YES. Easy? Not always. 

But what I tell my clients who are really determined and ready for a big change is this—

  • you won’t get there unless you’re clear about what you want
  • you won’t get there if you’re wishy-washy with your energy
  • you won’t get there by focusing on what you DON’T want (the key to manifesting is to put the primary focus on what’s wanted, not what’s missing)
  • you definitely won’t get there by staying stuck in your old story about your life, your problems and your “lack of”  (whether is be money, love, health, happiness) In other words, it may be 100% true, real and painful for you to recall and talk about your past and how it impacts your ability to be positive—but that is a story that you are choosing to repeat. The question  is . . . how is it serving you in getting what you want in life? 

If you simply remember and practice these key points—you’ll have the ability to change almost anything you want. 

You can attract more peace with your energy. 

You can attract more love with your energy. 

You can attract more health, wealth and happiness with your energy. 

And yep . . . it’s absolutely your choice. 

xo

Carrie

 

The Problem with Being “Authentic”

Being entirely honest with oneself is a good exercise.

—Sigmund Freud

I bet if you’re human and breathing—you’ve run across another human that in all their authenticity—triggered you a little. 

Or maybe a lot. 

It’s ok. It doesn’t mean you’re horrible and lack compassion. 

It also doesn’t mean that you’re wrong in feeling like that persons version of  “authentic” would be better if it were, well—LESS authentic.

You hear it over and over again in the self help and personal growth world . . . 

Find your authentic self. Be your authentic self. Know your authentic self.” 

But here is the issue with that—

Some people’s version of “authentic” may not seem very nice and may miss the boat when it comes to being self aware and open to change. And even if people do honestly feel they are being their 100% authentic self—you still may not line up with it. 

And that’s ok too!  You don’t have to agree with everyone—to be evolved or spiritual. 

​​​​​​​You don’t even have to like everyone to be evolved + spiritual (shhh  . . . don’t tell the Dalai Lama)

​​​​​​​In fact, it’s more spiritual to be honest about NOT feeling super jazzed about someone, than it is to pretend otherwise. 

Because often in our acceptance of those feelings that don’t feel so evolved—is where the magic and growth take place. 

On top of that—is the idea that what you resist persists. In other words, if you are truly bothered by something but pretending you aren’t bothered by it—it’s not going to go away, because you are “feeling stuffing” which is basically resistance. 

And resistance, feeling stuffing and pretending you don’t feel something, that you do—is not an energy of allowing and attracting. 

This matters because how we truly feel about things—is our vibration. And our vibration is what determines what flows back into our lives.  

And you can’t change it, heal it or fix it if you aren’t being honest about it.  

Many people think they are being authentic, when they really aren’t fully connected to how they feel about something and ultimately, to their vibration about it. 

So what does it mean to be authentic in a conscious way? A way that isn’t self righteous, evasive or fake?

It means—

  • owning your shit
  • saying what you really mean
  • standing up for what you really want
  • being accountable (a nicer way of saying “owning your shit”)
  • being committed to your growth
  • being ok with making mistakes, but learning form them rather than repeating them for decades and then passing that energy on to your kids
  • letting go of a need to be right
  • being of service to brining more light and love to the world (I know, this is the super woo-woo one, but hey—I go there and that’s just me being authentically me 😉
  • being conscious and self-aware

If a more “true” and less self-helpy meaning of authenticity is being an example of goodness, of light, of forgiveness and truth—then that’s a keeper.  

But if it simply gets reduced to another woo-woo term that causes frustration or annoyance—then by all means—it’s time to drop it and move on. 

The main point is to not let the word, teaching or concept get in the way of the main intention and goal. 

And isn’t our ultimate goal simply to enjoy our lives? To laugh more, play more, travel more, love more, feel healthy, frisky and ALIVE? 

Yes!  Truthfully, authentically—YES! 

Big Blessings,

Carrie

8 self-help beliefs that may do more harm than good.

 

Self help is great in some respects and in others, it can be frustrating, confusing and jut plain wackadoodle.

It’s not that I don’t think it has merit (I am a self help author and coach after all : )

It’s that there are a few central beliefs that are thrown around in the self help world, that may trip people up. 

They may actually make you wanna pull your hair out and scream profanities at the universe. 

We start to hear them so much—that they are reduced to catchy new age slogans that we sort of tune out after awhile. 

You learn about the “manifest your dreams” thing. You study it. You get excited about it. You read more books about it, maybe attend a workshop.  

You’re hopeful. Excited even. 

And then it doesn’t work. 

You still don’t like your job. 

You still feel disconnected. 

You still don’t have six pack abs, stacks of gold or endless youth and vitality. 

And you certainly don’t feel like you’re manifesting your dreams. 

So you decide that—

Self help must not work. That woo-woo stuff must be a bunch of b.s.

And you scream profanities at the universe. 

I get it. I’ve been there. 

If you follow the self help or spiritual growth world—there’s little doubt you’ve heard the following sayings. But as with anything in life, let’s look at them with a curious, open mind and make sure they are truly of benefit to us—and not actually holding us back or a source of frustration (an energy that doesn’t help us to attract what we want)

8 self-help beliefs that may do more harm than good—

1. Everything happens for a reason—Maybe it doesn’t. Maybe some things happens, just because they do. Maybe we don’t need to try to connect ourselves to horrible things, and internalize that we deserve it, or we attracted it. Maybe some things just happen, regardless of our energy, our horoscope or how the planets are lined up.  Maybe the only reason it happened is for us to learn to maintain our vibration, no matter what (very good idea indeed)

2. Ask and it is given.  Maybe everything we ask for, isn’t given—in exactly the way we ask for it…. Maybe, as the Rolling Stones say—”You can’t always gets what you want, but if you try sometimes, you get what you need.”  

This, I found to be spot on. While I genuinely believed that winning millions in the lottery was not only possible, but highly probable, it still didn’t happen. But what did happen, is that I won the “life lottery” in so many more meaningful ways than just a mountain of money (but yes, the prosperity showed up too : )

3. You get what you give (or you attract everything to you based on what energy you give out in the world) Mmmmmm, as much as Abraham Hicks tries to explain why young kids get horrible diseases, and why traumatic things happen to innocent souls—I don’t buy this one all the time.

And, it’s another potential black hole for guilt. If all these bad things happen to me—then I must have deserved it, right?  This one, we need to take with a grain of salt and be easy on ourselves.

Yes, I do believe we are energetic magnets. I do think there is great value in learning to master how we feel and what we think. I also believe that there are certain things that fall out of our ability to explain, or make sense of. And the best thing we can do is get back to a place of feeling good, feeling better and being playful, deliberate and light about our energy, no matter what happens. 

4. Don’t do it if it doesn’t feel good.   I am pretty sure cleaning toilets won’t ever feel good to me. Or paying taxes. But I do them anyway. I like not being in jail and having a clean toilet!  And even beyond those trivial things—there are the larger growth phases we may go through in life, that don’t feel good. But when we move beyond our comfort zone, feel a bit of the uncomfortableness—the gifts that are on the other side are worth it. 

5. Live just for the moment, just for the now.  As a parent of an 18 and 20 year old, to tell them to only live for the now and today—would be leaving out a big part of it. Yes, I get the idea behind this one. Be present. Enjoy the now.  But I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that my “now” is pretty amazing because a few years back, I planned ahead, thought about my future and set things in motion to make sure my “now” would be what I wanted it to be. 

Sometimes you gotta live for tomorrow a little bit as well.  It’s not just about now. It’s about setting the intention to have a succession of successful and pleasing “nows.”  That requires we think ahead, plan ahead and create a vision for what we want our tomorrow to look like. 

6. Never say never.  I am never going to intentionally eat insects. Never. Never going to jump out of a plane. Never. I will never again spend so much of my energy on being angry or arguing over pointless things. There are things I know I will never do again. It’s ok to say never when you’re that clear. Clarity is good. 

7. You create your reality. Do the babies that get hurt or have horrible illnesses create that reality?  Some would say it’s the parents’ energy. Some would say that yes, that child did, on an energetic level—create whatever is in their reality. I don’t buy it. I think sometimes bad things simply happen. It’s then up to us to react, feel and think in ways that get us back on track, energetically speaking. 
While I do believe this one a good portion of the time, there are certain situations that I simply can’t accept as being created by that person.  God will have some explaining to do. Again, this one can make some feel like they deserve unwanted or bad things and can create unnecessary guilt and self doubt.
8. We are all mirrors or we are all one. I am not one with certain people. Just no. My energy and who I am, is not one and the same with people who do unspeakable things. Nope. If this is a universal truth, God will have to explain this one as well. Just don’t buy it and I think it turns people away from self help and personal growth.

There is good intention behind all these beliefs. And there are aspects of each, that I believe to be absolutely true. 

But the main point we need to remember here is this—

Lets not be sheeple!!! (see definition)

sheeple—people compared to sheep in being docile, foolish, or easily led.
Let’s shy away from believing something simply because the latest, greatest self help author or guru wrote about it. 
And better yet, let’s not be spiritual sheeple. 
Let’s not believe it just because the latest, greatest self help author or guru wrote about it. 

Believe it because it feels right and adds value to your life. 

We gravitate towards self help to be helped.

To feel better. To manifest our dreams. To feel loved and connected. 

We reach out to self help to  . . .  get help!

So if it isn’t helping, then move on or take a good hard look at YOU. 

Maybe it isn’t the saying that doesn’t work. Maybe it’s old beliefs, ways of thinking and feeling that are tripping you up. 

Maybe you do create your reality through your energy—but simply understanding what that means, isn’t enough. 

It has to be lived. 

And it has to be felt, known and believed in such a way that there isn’t an OUNCE OF DOUBT. 

AND THAT, my dear friend—takes patience, time and commitment. 

But that’s a whole other topic (and post)

Remember—it takes us decades to learn ways of reacting, feeling and thinking in the world that maybe DON’T work in our favor. 

So let’s give ourselves a little break, be patient and acknowledge that it may take a bit more that a workshop, a book or one online program—to change something in our life.

Self-help and personal growth are merely tools we can use to get closer to what we want in life. 

But ultimately any of those tools, beliefs and online workshops, aren’t worth a dime if your aren’t going to make a conscious choice to change the thing you want to change. 

SO IT COMES DOWN TO A CHOICE. 

You have to consciously CHOOSE to change.

But how cool is that?

 It’s ultimately, your choice. 

Your choice how your life looks + feels. 

Big blessings,

Carrie

The pressure to do it all

I have gone back and forth about a gazillion times trying to choose what topic to write about today. 

And I know it’s not a bad case of “the Fridays.” (on a Tuesday)

It has nothing to do with being distracted. It’s gotta do with a minor “growth bump.” (the spiritual version of a speed bump : )

There’s a feeling of vulnerability in my life right now—that’s new to me. Not that I haven’t felt vulnerable before, but this one is a bit different.

So I started thinking about what has changed. Things are better actually. Things are percolating. Those things I asked to manifest—are manifesting.

So why the twinge of vulnerability + uncomfortableness?

I am feeling  at  bit of pressure. Pressure to provide content that is life changing, world rocking and DEEP.  And pressure to keep up, to do it all, be it all and have it all. 

And then I said to myself . . . . . “Oh stop it Carrie!”

Stop with that unnecessary self indulgent pressure.

Stop with thinking that it’s even about me!

Stop worrying about getting it right, getting it done and especially, about changing the world.

Just relax and enjoy it.

Do we really need to have it all, be it all and do it all?  I think not. I think the day to day journey and the experiences we create—are the true gifts.

Those  life experiences that fill us up, enrich us and make us feel alive from head to toe—that’s what it’s all about.

And in all honesty, does the world even need changing? I don’t think so. I think our view towards the world could use a bit of care and consideration though. 

It doesn’t benefit any of us to see the world (or our lives) as broken, needing to be fixed or not enough.

It matters that we focus on what’s good and nurture the vibration of “what’s right and good” and not “what’s wrong and horrible.”  (our culture loves to focus on what’s wrong…and hows’ that working out?)

We need to get back to feeling good and focusing on the fact that we are vibrational beings, living in a vibrational world.

Your vibe = Your life.  And your vibe = your choice.

Therefore, your life = your choices ( it’s like an algebra problem, but without numbers! )

I’ll keep saying it over and over again. You may not have a choice with every little thing that happens in life—but you always have a choice in how you feel, what you think and how you react to things.

That’s where the magic happens. It’s where you can start creating miracles out of thin air.

Possible? Absolutely (But only if you think it is. You’ve got to at least have a tiny glimmer of hope that it’s possible for you.)

And the spiritual growth bump I mentioned earlier—it’s simply a beautiful reminder of being on track.

When we desire changes in our lives—improved relationships, a new career, more happiness, better health—we will almost always go through  bit of discomfort when going through those changes. These spiritual growth bumps (or hurdles, changes, roadblocks) are simply loving reminders from the universe that we are on track, growing and getting closer to our dreams and desires.

Because we aren’t here to be bored, to feel stuck or miserable. We aren’t here to be unhappy.

We are meant to enjoy life. We are meant to grow, to seek and to feel FRISKY AND ALIVE!

Happy, happy holidays!

Big blessings,

Carrie