One of the biggest buzz words flying around in the online world, coaching world, and personal success world is the
concept of being authentic.
The gist is that if we are just our 100% authentic selves, then that will somehow skyrocket our lives and businesses.
Umm . . how do I say this without sounding like a big “B”? I would venture to guess that in a majority of cases, it is actually the persons authentic, real self that is getting in the way of having an amazing life and business. There, I said it.
Being authentic and real might not be the best thing in some cases and could in fact be having a negative impact in our lives.
We could be authentically, mean. Authentically depressed. Authentically narcissistic. Authentically wounded. Just because it is real, doesn’t mean it is good, right or the best thing for you.
Sometimes you have to change, grow and evolve, so that your authentic self is the one that works for you, not against you.
My authentic self, at one point was not so amazing. My authentic self was insecure, negative, guilt ridden and just not very happy . . . to say the least.
I was a person that studied self -help and spiritual concepts to the point of overload and still was not getting what I was looking for.
That was the real, authentic me.
So how is that of value to myself or anyone? I know that people might argue that the real meaning of our authentic selves is that part of us that is connected to Source, God–whatever word works for you. But I think it is actually just inferred, more often than explained.
Being authentic in the best sense means working on your shit. There, I said it.
Being authentic means you operate from a place of awareness and consciousness, not old wounds, negative beliefs, or patterns.
If I kept hoping that my authentic self was going to make everything better, I might not be alive to be writing this post. My authentic, real self needed a massive makeover and couldn’t help others until she helped herself.
Being authentic isn’t enough. Because sometimes our authentic self is wounded, hurt, caught up in negative patterns or habits.
Yes, let’s be real. Yes, let’s be authentic. But lets be these things from a space of awareness, consciousness, growth and expansion.
Let’s not use this word and the concept as an excuse to stay stuck.
If we aren’t living the life we truly want and aren’t experiencing the success in life that we desire, then we are not operating with a healthy, well-adjusted authentic self.
That God- like part of us wouldn’t choose that for ourselves. It would choose abundance, healing, joy, connection, confidence and clarity.
There is no way we can help others, or make a positive impact in the world, if we havent first worked through our “stuff.”
Choose to work on you first. Choose to be consciously authentic.
As Abe-Hicks says “Life is supposed to be fun.”
Carrie Jolie Dale
Evolve. Grow. Be your best self. Find your purpose. Live your dreams. Make it happen. Just do it. Reach for the top.
I see the value in all of the above words and concepts, Yet, I do think there are times we just need to play hooky from it all.
Don’t you sometimes just need a break?
To chill out and just bask in the beauty and brilliance of doing nothing.
Can we let go of having to do, do, do and just be, be, be?
If doing nothing doesn’t float your boat, then what about just stepping away from things that feel heavy, like a weight on your shoulders, boring, dull, or time wasting—for a bit?
And, please hear this loud and clear—I don’t advocate truly being “bad” or walking away from important responsibilities.
That is not my point.
My point is, we often feel bad for not liking things we are taught we should like. We place pressure on ourselves to fit a mold, do things a certain way or “measure up.”
Yuk! I say play hooky from that thought.
We feel like we are bad or wrong if we take a break from these things, create boundaries, or completely walk away from things that don’t light our fire.
It’s not bad to play hooky at times. In some circumstance, it might be the best thing for you.
Or, another way of saying this is—take a break from the things that you don’t enjoy and add more of things you do enjoy into your life.
I’m not talking about the scrubbing of the toilet and paying bills. I am talking about the ways in which we settle for less than we know we deserve.
I am talking about those times, when your soul needs a break—even if you or others see it as being bad.
Give that to yourself.
It’s important to take a look at the times you do feel like playing hooky, or escaping. If your instinct is to run away, to leave, to hide and to lie to get out of having to do something, then you should examine why you are doing that thing in the first place.
If something causes us pain, discomfort and misery in life . . . why are we still doing it?
Why do we persist in jobs we don’t like, relationships that are harmful or negative and why do we allow things in our life that make us unhappy?
I am suggesting you try to find a way . . . even if its just on an emotional level, to take a break from those things.
Yes, there is value in hard work personal challenges and working through struggles, but not as the dominant theme in our lives.
Not if it makes you feel burdened, tired, bored, stressed, overwhelmed on a regular basis.
That is natures way of saying—play hooky from this thing you are forcing yourself to do.
It’s not that it’s bad to give yourself a break. It’s that we’ve been trained to feel that feeling good is bad—in certain circumstances.
Find a way to play hooky from the things that are bringing you down in life and say yes to that which feeds your soul.
It’s ok to just enjoy. To just be.
Leave a comment below and let me know how you feel about this. In what area of your life do you need to give yourself a break?
First off, remember the golden rule “If you cant say anything nice don’t say anything at all.”
But doesn’t that sometimes just feel like you are the one getting short changed?
Doesn’t it just sometimes feel like those mean, negative nellies and neds need to be put in their place, and have one massive karmic review done?
Trust me when I say, this one was hard for me. I was challenged big time on this one going through a difficult divorce and also making the decision to pursue my love of writing + coaching.
The divorce situation if almost understandable(albeit frustrating), but why the coaching and writing? Why would people be negative about that?
Why would anyone be negative towards you when you decide to chase your dreams, speak your truth,and live your passions?
Because it stirs up their fears, their insecurities, and their wounds. If they are bashing what you are doing, and picking on you—chances are they see you stepping into your light, and they notice how they have allowed their own light to be dimmed.
There are going to be those that try to knock you down—always.
When we, as entrepreneurs—CHOOSE to spread our wings and GO FOR IT—it can stir up stuff in others.
It’s not you. It’s not about you.
And it really doesn’t matter what they think about you.
What they think of you is not the point. How you react to negativity—in any form—is the point.
The truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth is that—you got rise above it. You’ve got to let it go. You’ve got to pull a Ghandi and CHOOSE THE HIGHER ROAD.
Even though it can feel like a pesky little dog bitting at your heels, you gotta find a way to set healthy boundaries, and to not attach to the negativity—that is what most of them want.
They want to prod you enough until you bite back. They want your energy.
They want to prove that you really aren’t that committed, really aren’t that clear and really aren’t that focused.
Don’t let the energy vampires drain your light, your truth, your power. Don’t do it.
This doesn’t mean ignoring it and not standing up for yourself, but it does mean not engaging in unhealthy reactions. You can speak your truth in a calm, clear, grounded way and transcend the unhealthy pattern of being reactive towards negativity.
Your mantra in a tough situation would go like this . . .
“Right now, right here, I have two choices. I can choose to react, engage and let this throw me off track, or I can allow the feelings, recognize them, and CHOOSE to let it go. I choose to feel good.”
The secret to all this is that once you master this, all the sudden these people go away. It’s like the universe popping in every now and then, to see if you have this lesson handled. The less you react and engage, the less they will be biting at your heels.
Try it for 30 days and see what happens. Choose to react differently.
Leave a comment below and let me know how you deal with difficult people!
p.s. Song recommendation: Blind Melon—No Rain.
Last week I talked about hiring a coach or mentor to up level your life and business. Now that you have that perfect coach or mentor, we need to chat a little bit about the copycat syndrome.
As I am sure you can gather from the name, the copycat syndrome, is when, well . . . we copy people in our life or business.
Now why the heck would we do such a thing?
Gosh, we just found this dreamy coach that has this dialed in message, they have this unbelievable brand and clearly they have it all figured out. And you say, “ I want what they have! If I just do what they are doing, I will get their results! Right?”
Wrong! Well, partially wrong.
It’s not that simple. I mean, yes, there are obviously things you might want to consider copying or maybe a better word would be following—like advice on how to market, the practical how-to stuff of running a business or amazing life.
But what I am not talking about is copying websites, content, their personal style, their wording, their programs or offerings—or their ideas.
We’ve all heard the saying “Imitation is the highest form of flattery” but is it really?
Marketing ideas, branding ideas, things to help with the logistical aspects of running a business or having a masterful life. Yes, take that advice and integrate it into your life, but done be a copycat.
It screams that you don’t truly believe in you.
Here are some things to consider in regards to not falling into the copycat syndrome:
- Make your business + life your own. Your authenticity (or being real) is what will attract people and it’s what will make you stand out in the sea of online gurus, marketers and entrepreneurs. Copying someone else’s deal with only drive people away from you. Plus, it’s just lame.
- Its’ most easy to fall into this trap when you aren’t feeling confident, feeling a bit lost in your life and business or are just getting started in a new venture. So, remember to choose you. Choose self-care, tuning everything else out and just BEING with you. Meditate. Find yourself damnit!
- Remember to notice what you like about others and then find your unique spin on it. For example, say you really like how a coach does mostly online videos rather than blog posts. You prefer that too. You notice that they do a weekly Q and A, or something like that. DON’T copy their mannerisms or their format—do something really YOU.
- What do you love? What do people seek you out for? What would you do regardless if people paid you for it, or even knew about it? Music? Art? Cooking? Jokes? What makes you special? Capitalize on your gifts, your strengths and your passions. Use it. Find an interesting way to incorporate that into your business.
- I have found in my life and coaching business, that we people are in that “ I don’t know, I can’t figure it out, I am not sure” phase, that what they are really saying is that they are out of touch with what they want and out of touch with themselves. If you feel that way often, then I would get coaching on exactly that topic. It is beyond liberating to break free of that tormenting voice of “I don’t know.” Because the truth is—you do know.
- Take a break from everyone else’s newsletters, suggestions and idea for awhile. Get off the guru hopping! If you really can’t access YOUR voice, you need to tune the other ones out for a while to find YOU in there. Give it a break. Choose to find you by stepping away from all the other information.
In some respects, most everything is recycled information. Someone just finds a way to put his or her unique spin on it.
So, I understand that it can be hard to avoid the copycat syndrome in some respects. Sometimes it happens and people don’t even realize it, but mostly, it happens because we aren’t listening to our truths, our voices, our passions + inner fire.
Being successful in life or in your business is about being successful with you. You come first.
Being real is about being you, not about trying to be like someone else—that’s already being done. Be you, 100%, homegrown organic. That is what people are going to find the most charismatic, alluring and well, real.
Merci et xxoo
Carrie Jolie Dale
Absolutely! Yes! Oui!!
Having a coach or mentor is the best way to increase your results in any aspect of your life or business.
They can keep you accountable.
They can keep you on track.
They can teach you things you didn’t know about yourself.
They can help you see things that you can’t.
They can teach you how to do it right the first time.
They can help you grow into the best version of you.
Finding a good mentor or coach is critical when you are looking to step into a new place of passion + power in your life.
When looking for someone to coach or mentor with, consider these things:
- What are your needs?
- What exactly do you want to accomplish with this coach?
- Be specific. The universe LOVES specifics. If you want specific back, be detailed and specific. If you want vague, be vague.
- Create an exact list of tangible things you desire-more clients, a certain amount of money per month, branding, SEO, website stuff, time management or to get another perspective on your life + your business.
- Create a list of intangible, spiritual or personal things you’d like to get out of a coaching or mentoring relationship-more confidence, greater connection to your truth, your purpose, healing old wounds and getting out of victim and/or excuse mode, more joy.
- Do you enjoy their vibe? Their energy? What they write about, blog about?
- If you are a “touchy feely “ person, try to go see them in person and see if it feels like there is an energetic match.
- Meditate about it.
- Ask God, or your higher power.
- Listen to your gut and/or intuition.
- Show me the money! Find out what it costs, what you are willing to spend, them multiply that times two. Seriously. Investing in myself was the best thing I have ever done . . . but gotta find the right coach/mentor first.
I saved the money one for last because it is the biggest trigger for most people.
Here is the deal. If you invest in your self—and not just $100 an hour—but invest to that point that it challenges you. It feels like a bit of a stretch.
It challenges you for a reason.
If you want to have a financial breakthroughs, then start by investing more than you normally would on yourself. It’s called a breakthrough because it is a change, a stretch, growth and a new way of thinking.
YOU WILL WORK HARDER AND YOU WILL GET SHIT DONE.
Or, as Tina Fey says . . .
I invested about six times what I felt comfortable with and I have the reaped the rewards time and time over. My ROI was worth it, and then some.
How would it feel to invest $5000 in your personal growth? $10,000? $100,000? What would you expect of yourself? How would you utilize that time? Would you skip assignments or be late to coaching calls?
When you really, truly, 110%, black and white, no holding back commit to yourself, your dreams, your truth and your inner fire—it will show up.
When you ask, and line up your energy, magic happens, doors open, opportunities abound.
There are ways to really get dialed in with manifesting like a ninja master that can speed up that process. I can help with that. I am a manifesting coach and a real life manifesting success story.
Enough about me.
You. Get a coach(that’s not an order even thought it sounds bossy). Invest in you. Live your dreams.
Be super happy. Choose you.
It’s like that.
Carrie Jolie Dale
p.s. The picture above is my coach, Tara Marino and I at her event in San Diego.
Ever feel like there is just not enough to go around? Or that there are already enough people doing what you love, so what’s the point? Or that you just don’t have what it takes?
For me, when I started coaching, consulting and writing—I felt like I was drowning in a sea of amazing coaches, entrepreneurs + online experts.
I was like “ what the heck (stronger adjective) how can I compete with these amazing, established entrepreneurs?”
I should just give up. That’s what I started feeling like.
Can you relate?
Ever think that there just isn’t enough to go around? Like there are too many successful people in your area of expertise, you are too far behind, there aren’t enough client, time, money or resources?
I feel ya! I was there many times and thank goodness, I didn’t give into that pesky little voice of self –sabotage.
Don’t give up.
Guess what? Not feeling good enough is one of the most common feelings—it’s like a plague. And it doesn’t just magically go away when you have money, success + love. I have had numerous conversations with very successful entrepreneurs and coaches and they all say they still have this “not good enough” feeling creep in on occasion.
When that thought come up, here is what you do:
- Slap yourself! What the heck? You are amazing, aren’t you? Then stop it! Stop beating yourself up (ok, don’t slap yourself)
- Now give yourself a big hug for just recognizing that you feel this way. Seeing it and acknowledging it, is the first step in handling this little monster of self-doubt.
- Sit down and give yourself the gift of uninterrupted quiet space—no computer, e-mail, iPhone, kids, etc. Take 5 for you.
- Now make a list of your accomplishments. I know it seems simple and kind of weird, but do it anyway. Take some time to appreciate all the hings you have accomplished.
- See your strengths. Give yourself a little pat on the back.
- Make a commitment to NOT allowing this voice of self-doubt and “not enough-ness” to run you. Eyes on the prize.
- Make a list of things you can do that make you feel good, expansive and abundant.
- Choose to see all the abundance in the world. That there is enough for everyone and that you have something unique to offer the world. It’s in there.
Choice du jour:
“ I choose to release this voice of self doubt that tells me I am not enough and there is not enough to go around. The world is abundant. I am abundant. I allow all that is to manifest to me now.”
Carrie Jolie Dale
This or something even more brilliant for the highest good of all concerned.