Self help is great in some respects and in others, it can be frustrating, confusing and jut plain wackadoodle.
It’s not that I don’t think it has merit (I am a self help author and coach after all : )
It’s that there are a few central beliefs that are thrown around in the self help world, that may trip people up.
They may actually make you wanna pull your hair out and scream profanities at the universe.
We start to hear them so much—that they are reduced to catchy new age slogans that we sort of tune out after awhile.
You learn about the “manifest your dreams” thing. You study it. You get excited about it. You read more books about it, maybe attend a workshop.
You’re hopeful. Excited even.
And then it doesn’t work.
You still don’t like your job.
You still feel disconnected.
You still don’t have six pack abs, stacks of gold or endless youth and vitality.
And you certainly don’t feel like you’re manifesting your dreams.
So you decide that—
Self help must not work. That woo-woo stuff must be a bunch of b.s.
And you scream profanities at the universe.
I get it. I’ve been there.
If you follow the self help or spiritual growth world—there’s little doubt you’ve heard the following sayings. But as with anything in life, let’s look at them with a curious, open mind and make sure they are truly of benefit to us—and not actually holding us back or a source of frustration (an energy that doesn’t help us to attract what we want)
8 self-help beliefs that may do more harm than good—
1. Everything happens for a reason—Maybe it doesn’t. Maybe some things happens, just because they do. Maybe we don’t need to try to connect ourselves to horrible things, and internalize that we deserve it, or we attracted it. Maybe some things just happen, regardless of our energy, our horoscope or how the planets are lined up. Maybe the only reason it happened is for us to learn to maintain our vibration, no matter what (very good idea indeed)
2. Ask and it is given. Maybe everything we ask for, isn’t given—in exactly the way we ask for it…. Maybe, as the Rolling Stones say—”You can’t always gets what you want, but if you try sometimes, you get what you need.”
This, I found to be spot on. While I genuinely believed that winning millions in the lottery was not only possible, but highly probable, it still didn’t happen. But what did happen, is that I won the “life lottery” in so many more meaningful ways than just a mountain of money (but yes, the prosperity showed up too : )
3. You get what you give (or you attract everything to you based on what energy you give out in the world) Mmmmmm, as much as Abraham Hicks tries to explain why young kids get horrible diseases, and why traumatic things happen to innocent souls—I don’t buy this one all the time.
And, it’s another potential black hole for guilt. If all these bad things happen to me—then I must have deserved it, right? This one, we need to take with a grain of salt and be easy on ourselves.
Yes, I do believe we are energetic magnets. I do think there is great value in learning to master how we feel and what we think. I also believe that there are certain things that fall out of our ability to explain, or make sense of. And the best thing we can do is get back to a place of feeling good, feeling better and being playful, deliberate and light about our energy, no matter what happens.
4. Don’t do it if it doesn’t feel good. I am pretty sure cleaning toilets won’t ever feel good to me. Or paying taxes. But I do them anyway. I like not being in jail and having a clean toilet! And even beyond those trivial things—there are the larger growth phases we may go through in life, that don’t feel good. But when we move beyond our comfort zone, feel a bit of the uncomfortableness—the gifts that are on the other side are worth it.
5. Live just for the moment, just for the now. As a parent of an 18 and 20 year old, to tell them to only live for the now and today—would be leaving out a big part of it. Yes, I get the idea behind this one. Be present. Enjoy the now. But I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that my “now” is pretty amazing because a few years back, I planned ahead, thought about my future and set things in motion to make sure my “now” would be what I wanted it to be.
Sometimes you gotta live for tomorrow a little bit as well. It’s not just about now. It’s about setting the intention to have a succession of successful and pleasing “nows.” That requires we think ahead, plan ahead and create a vision for what we want our tomorrow to look like.
6. Never say never. I am never going to intentionally eat insects. Never. Never going to jump out of a plane. Never. I will never again spend so much of my energy on being angry or arguing over pointless things. There are things I know I will never do again. It’s ok to say never when you’re that clear. Clarity is good.
7. You create your reality. Do the babies that get hurt or have horrible illnesses create that reality? Some would say it’s the parents’ energy. Some would say that yes, that child did, on an energetic level—create whatever is in their reality. I don’t buy it. I think sometimes bad things simply happen. It’s then up to us to react, feel and think in ways that get us back on track, energetically speaking.
While I do believe this one a good portion of the time, there are certain situations that I simply can’t accept as being created by that person. God will have some explaining to do. Again, this one can make some feel like they deserve unwanted or bad things and can create unnecessary guilt and self doubt.
8. We are all mirrors or we are all one. I am not one with certain people. Just no. My energy and who I am, is not one and the same with people who do unspeakable things. Nope. If this is a universal truth, God will have to explain this one as well. Just don’t buy it and I think it turns people away from self help and personal growth.
There is good intention behind all these beliefs. And there are aspects of each, that I believe to be absolutely true.
But the main point we need to remember here is this—
Lets not be sheeple!!! (see definition)
sheeple—people compared to sheep in being docile, foolish, or easily led.
Let’s shy away from believing something simply because the latest, greatest self help author or guru wrote about it.
And better yet, let’s not be spiritual sheeple.
Let’s not believe it just because the latest, greatest self help author or guru wrote about it.
Believe it because it feels right and adds value to your life.
We gravitate towards self help to be helped.
To feel better. To manifest our dreams. To feel loved and connected.
We reach out to self help to . . . get help!
So if it isn’t helping, then move on or take a good hard look at YOU.
Maybe it isn’t the saying that doesn’t work. Maybe it’s old beliefs, ways of thinking and feeling that are tripping you up.
Maybe you do create your reality through your energy—but simply understanding what that means, isn’t enough.
It has to be lived.
And it has to be felt, known and believed in such a way that there isn’t an OUNCE OF DOUBT.
AND THAT, my dear friend—takes patience, time and commitment.
But that’s a whole other topic (and post)
Remember—it takes us decades to learn ways of reacting, feeling and thinking in the world that maybe DON’T work in our favor.
So let’s give ourselves a little break, be patient and acknowledge that it may take a bit more that a workshop, a book or one online program—to change something in our life.
Self-help and personal growth are merely tools we can use to get closer to what we want in life.
But ultimately any of those tools, beliefs and online workshops, aren’t worth a dime if your aren’t going to make a conscious choice to change the thing you want to change.
SO IT COMES DOWN TO A CHOICE.
You have to consciously CHOOSE to change.
But how cool is that?
It’s ultimately, your choice.
Your choice how your life looks + feels.
I have gone back and forth about a gazillion times trying to choose what topic to write about today.
And I know it’s not a bad case of “the Fridays.” (on a Tuesday)
It has nothing to do with being distracted. It’s gotta do with a minor “growth bump.” (the spiritual version of a speed bump : )
There’s a feeling of vulnerability in my life right now—that’s new to me. Not that I haven’t felt vulnerable before, but this one is a bit different.
So I started thinking about what has changed. Things are better actually. Things are percolating. Those things I asked to manifest—are manifesting.
So why the twinge of vulnerability + uncomfortableness?
I am feeling at bit of pressure. Pressure to provide content that is life changing, world rocking and DEEP. And pressure to keep up, to do it all, be it all and have it all.
And then I said to myself . . . . . “Oh stop it Carrie!”
Stop with that unnecessary self indulgent pressure.
Stop with thinking that it’s even about me!
Stop worrying about getting it right, getting it done and especially, about changing the world.
Just relax and enjoy it.
Do we really need to have it all, be it all and do it all? I think not. I think the day to day journey and the experiences we create—are the true gifts.
Those life experiences that fill us up, enrich us and make us feel alive from head to toe—that’s what it’s all about.
And in all honesty, does the world even need changing? I don’t think so. I think our view towards the world could use a bit of care and consideration though.
It doesn’t benefit any of us to see the world (or our lives) as broken, needing to be fixed or not enough.
It matters that we focus on what’s good and nurture the vibration of “what’s right and good” and not “what’s wrong and horrible.” (our culture loves to focus on what’s wrong…and hows’ that working out?)
We need to get back to feeling good and focusing on the fact that we are vibrational beings, living in a vibrational world.
Your vibe = Your life. And your vibe = your choice.
Therefore, your life = your choices ( it’s like an algebra problem, but without numbers! )
I’ll keep saying it over and over again. You may not have a choice with every little thing that happens in life—but you always have a choice in how you feel, what you think and how you react to things.
That’s where the magic happens. It’s where you can start creating miracles out of thin air.
Possible? Absolutely (But only if you think it is. You’ve got to at least have a tiny glimmer of hope that it’s possible for you.)
And the spiritual growth bump I mentioned earlier—it’s simply a beautiful reminder of being on track.
When we desire changes in our lives—improved relationships, a new career, more happiness, better health—we will almost always go through bit of discomfort when going through those changes. These spiritual growth bumps (or hurdles, changes, roadblocks) are simply loving reminders from the universe that we are on track, growing and getting closer to our dreams and desires.
Because we aren’t here to be bored, to feel stuck or miserable. We aren’t here to be unhappy.
We are meant to enjoy life. We are meant to grow, to seek and to feel FRISKY AND ALIVE!
Happy, happy holidays!
Gratitude is the holy grail in the world of manifesting, miracles creation + living incredible lives.
It’s like the secret sauce that— when used consistently and consciously—can catapult your desires to new heights.
But we know this, right? I mean in all honesty—we know it’s a good thing to be grateful.
We know, yet we fall back into old patterns of complaining, worrying, or simply accepting things in our lives that sorta suck.
We settle for jobs we don’t love.
We accept being treated in ways that don’t feel good.
We allow things in our life that we know don’t serve our higher intention of conscious, high vibration living.
We forget about our dreams and desires, because we are afraid of what others will think. Or worse, what if we fail?
And sometimes we just get caught in the busy trap—and simply forget about all that we have to be grateful for.
And as you know, settling, forgetting, being too busy and allowing things that don’t serve us—are all choices.
Choices that we have the power to change.
The truth is—the most profound and unexpected changes come from doing the most simple things. So even if many of us know it’s a good thing to be grateful—we may write it off because we feel it isn’t important enough.
Creating a gratitude list is a powerful tool that can snap you out of any life conundrum and create miracles right and left.
The key is to do it consistently + consciously (not just once a year and not while feeling rushed).
Tips for creating your list—
- Create a calm, quiet space to reflect on your life + what you feel grateful for. Limit distractions so you can really focus on what matters.
- Don’t get caught up with “doing it right”—just write down whatever comes to mind. Have fun with it.
- Be descriptive. Why do you feel grateful for your kids, spouse, friends, etc? What special things about them make you feel this way? What special moments or memories come to mind?
- It can be the material things too! It’s ok to be grateful for a beautiful car or your favorite designer shoes! It’s not less spiritual to appreciate and be grateful for the abundance you have. Spirit doesn’t have an issue with us enjoying prosperity.
Your list can be 10, 20, or 100 things. Whatever works for you!
I like to make a gratitude list towards the end of each year. It’s a nice way to close out the year and set the stage for attracting a miraculous new year.
Here is the start to my list!
I am grateful for . . .
1. Health. This is almost always #1 on my list. I LOVE feeling healthy, vibrant and alive.
2. God + spirit in my life. This is simply divine.
3. My husband + kiddos. These 3 light up my heart.
4. My dogs. I officially have the two cutest in the universe.
5. My home. It’s super frenchie, and I finally have a home that is decorated just how I like, plus we have a super cool pool, lots of flowers, beauty all around.
6 .Liiving in a warmer climate. I lived in the mountains for 17 years and was done being cold 7 months out of the year. Sooooo enjoy having 4 seasons, rather than just hot/cold.
7. My job! I love what I do. It feels more like a big, fun adventure, than work.
8. Abundance. I am so grateful for the prosperity we have created in our lives. And grateful for a few key people who have helped to make that happen.
9. Saying “YES” to my dream of writing a book (and writing more books). The 2 Choices has changed lives and I am beyond grateful to all who helped.
10. Travel. I love to travel and am so grateful I was able to be in Europe 3 times last year and will back again 3 times next year! Woohooo!
11. My life and business mentors. They believed in me when I didn’t and paved the way for me to step into my power.
12. Fall leaves crunching under my feet when I am out walking my dogs.
13. Organic, high vibration food.
14. My insatiable desire to learn, grow and become more aware.
15. My parents—glad they adopted me and gave me a great life.
16. Coffee. Yep, this most certainly makes my list!
17. Wine. Yep!! I am grateful for a good Cote du Rhone.
18. Nice clothes. I love fashion and feel grateful and blessed to have a beautiful wardrobe.
19. Courage. I am grateful that I know I have access to boatloads of courage, even when I am feeling small, insignificant and scared.
20. Writers, creative types, dreamers….. I love you all. You feed my brain.
21. My Mac. What can I say? I love my computer as much as my piano.
22. Nature trees, animals, the natural world. You leave me in awe of your wisdom, beauty and power. I feel the most calm and grounded in nature or when connecting with animals. Thank you.
23. My clients, friends, family and fellow humans. I love you all. You teach me so much about life and living. Even the hard stuff—I am grateful for it. It’s how I grow and learn to be better.
24. My grand piano. It makes me smile every time I walk by it.
25. Red roses + lilies. Flowers make me happy!
My list this year will be well over 100 . . . but those are my first 25!
Have fun with this list. Make it a sacred time. Do it alone or with your loved ones.
The point is—make sure to do it!
Big blessings + bisous!
Ever want something that ended up being a VERY bad idea in the long run?
I have. Juuuuust a couple of times (wink, wink).
There was a time when I thought lots of vodka was a good idea. Dancing for dollars seemed perfectly fine at one point in my life (why not? I mean at age 22 that meant—$$$$, minimal clothing + vodka). Driving fast was a passion of mine. Then of course, there were those relationships that were destined to fail from the get-go.
And in hindsight—not such wildly great ideas.
Yes, yes, yes—I get that our mistakes can be great teachers. And that sometimes our greatest life lessons come out of our struggles. But can you relate to wanting less struggles and more victories?
No one needs more struggles. Not-a-one-of-us.
The art of knowing what you want and desire is a critical piece of the happiness puzzle (and success, health, wealth puzzle as well).
And sadly—many of us may think we know what we want, when we really aren’t clear (or are hugely misguided about wanting things that are NOT GOOD for us). In addition, most of us simply aren’t taught how to find out what truly lights us up and makes us happy to jump out of bed in the morning.
So how do we get there? How the heck do we really know what we want and if it’s good for us?
Knowing what you want requires awareness, commitment and self-exploration (brace yourself . . . . here comes the self-helpy part!)
It requires you ask a few critical questions—
- Do you currently feel happy with your life? And not just a superficial happiness, but a real, true inner happiness. It’s a feeling and sense of being connected to something that really lights you up and makes you feel alive.
- If you were on your death bed would you have regrets?(I know, it’s a bit dreary, but it is also one of the most efficient ways to get an honest answer.) Things you wished you would have done more of? Less of? The best way to discover if you are living a life in alignment with what you want—is to think of how you might feel if you knew your days were numbered.
- What are you tolerating in your life? In other words, what things are you doing that you really don’t want to do. What feels more like a “have to” rather than a want to? Sure someone has to scrub the toilet and take out the trash, but I am talking about bigger life things—our careers, our relationships, the overall state of our well-being. What are you tolerating that really is energetically holding you back from being an energetic match to what you want? If you are tolerating many things, you are NOT in an energy of allowing.
Asking these few questions, can get you a bit more on track to really knowing what you want in your life. These are the first steps.
And to stay true to you desires, you must stay accountable to them.
Try the following to stay dialed into your desires and to stay true to them.
- Create a yearly, month and weekly calendar which addressees your desires. What do you want to accomplish, what do you want to acquire, how do you want to feel? Be specific, or just have a general them for the month or year. Create something that works for you! For example, I have a theme for the year and I create a theme for each month. I also start each day with a ” today I choose________” statement. That way I am setting the tone for the day. I am making a choice to feel, happy, content, joyful, content, etc….
- Aside from the practical “to-do” items, a critical piece to getting clear about your desires is quiet time to reflect. You can get a crystal clear vision of your desires when your life feels frantic, chaotic, loud and busy. Take time to walk, quiet the mind, mediate for 10 minutes a day and get out in nature. Do those things that help you slow down, get clear and centered. From this grounded place, your true, healthy desires will shine through.
- Stay accountable. No one is going to do this for you. Your choices= your life. Choose to do the same things you have always done and nothing will change. Choose to step out of your comfy zone, make minor changes and reap huge rewards in the long run.
The art of knowing what you want is another layer of awareness. It’s a practice in slowing down, getting quiet and really listening to what your soul wants.
Knowing what you want is power. It’s the launching pad to increased intuition, a miracle mindset and elevated manifesting abilities (and this is when it gets super fun!)
And trust, me—it’s just way better than a life of chaos + bad choices.
Who doesn’t have problems?
Who doesn’t have concerns, worries and frustrations?
Most of us, living on this planet have an issue every now and then (understatement).
We have health concerns, environmental concerns, money issues, relationship frustrations, car problems, boss problems, cranky kids—life problems.
It’s not perfect or pretty (or seemingly fair) all the time. Not even.
Sometimes life just gets messy (as in red-hot mess, messy)
And in the not so distant past . . . that has bothered me a tad. It had me asking big questions like—
- Why are we even here if it’s such a struggle?
- Why do we get on such a great life high— only to have shitty things happen?
- Why cant it just be easier?
- Why are people so insensitive (or worse)?
- Why can’t we all just be born with lasting heath, endless supplies of money and unquestionable values, morals and common sense?
Most of us ask these questions (or similar versions or these) at some point.
We all get hurt and we all find ways (hopefully) to rebound when life deals us an unwanted hand.
And what if . . .
—the problems we have are merely opportunities to grab ahold of an even bigger, more profound level of joy, happiness, health and abundance?
—the struggles, pain and hurdles are simply minor road bumps that (with patience, compassion and maybe a couple bottles of good vino) can propel us closer to living our desires?
What if the problem has a purpose?
Because haven’t you noticed that when you experience something challenging and you approach it from the “glass half full” perspective—you come out the other side of that with a greater sense of knowing, faith and acceptance?
When you can make peace with what is + see the potential gift in the problem—you win.
It comes down to this—you have two choices in regards to how you handle snafus, issues, drama + problems—
- You can see every problem a gift. You can see perceived problems as beautiful opportunities for an even deeper sense of acceptance, love and faith. You can see your health issues, your money issue, and your relationship issues—as a great big chance to get super honest and real about what you are truly feeling and thinking in life. It’s a chance to be 100% accountable for your energy.
- Or there’s always choice two. Choice two is to stay stuck, give into the problem, believe it and go down the rabbit hole of despair, disease, distrust and fear. Choice two is the one that perpetuates the lie that we are powerless. Choice two, if we don’t learn from it and turn it from foe to friend—is the one that can wreak havoc on your otherwise incredible life. This choice moves you further away from the life you want. It’s simply the choice to survive (or nose dive) get by, exist and feel more as a victim in life.
You have two choices—to thrive or survive.
And when you choose well (in spite of what trials and tribulations are manifesting in your life)—you turn your problem into pure passionate potential.
Bad ass, unwavering, passion-filled potential.
When you decide to make peace with the problem—you say ‘yes” in an even bigger way to your desires.
It’s how we create miracles. It’s how we go on when the going gets tough.
So next time you feel irritated, annoyed or let down, ask yourself—”what is this problem teaching me, or asking me to step into and how can I learn quickly, efficiently and lastingly?”
Because don’t we all want to learn, move on, grow and be better than we were the day before?
Don’t we all want to be happier, healthier, wealthier and more in alignment with our souls truth?
I say yes.
Bucket loads of love, goodness + joy your way.
How we stand out in our communities, our careers and even our families . . . . doesn’t have to be obnoxious to matter.
Sometimes, we may think that in order to stand out, we have to be different or to force ourselves to act in a manner that isn’t truly who we are. And when I say “stand out” I don’t mean the kind of stand out that people get from being obnoxious , rude or pushy.
I am talking about that authentic charisma that is a result of finding, honing and standing in your 100% authentic, raw, real truth.
The NO BS truth.
3 ways to stand out WITHOUT being obnoxious, rude or pushy—
1. Be real. Yep—you are enough, you matter, you have a special something, something that no other human has. Just be you!
2. Know thyself. How can you be real if you don’t know who you are? Honestly, this is the first step. You gotta spend time being with you, understanding you, knowing what you love/don’t love, desire/don’t desire. You need to spend time honing in on exactly what it is that makes you tick, tock and transcend.
3. Be courageous, take chances, be a big weird-o. You can’t be “in your zone” and move onto your next level of growth and awareness when you are stuck in the same comfort zone. Standing out may require you move through some fears, take some chances and put yourself out there (and yes, you may get rejected! It’s ok, remember #1—your are enough)
Our lives have become over busy, right? And what we need to do, is calm down, get clear about what we desire and then we need to choose that—daily. Daily choosing what we love and then rinse, repeat and revisit.
If you want love, choose to love and be as much about love as you can be.
If you want a bigger e-mail list or to sell more books—then how about just being super real and connecting from that place that is really you. Do it because it radiates YOU so deeply that people can’t say no.
Do it from the inner depths of your sweet little soul.
Dig deep, breath into the essence of you really are–you light filled super human you—and then let that shine through in your work, your love, your interaction with the check out clerk, the way you talk to your kids, the energy you infuse into you food, your home, etc…..
YOU GET TO CHOOSE HOW YOUR LIFE LOOKS AND HOW YOUR LIFE FEELS. IT’S ALL YOU BABY.
So choose, choose, choose wisely (and courageously, lovingly and with purpose)