Why we don’t change (even when we really want to).

Why we don’t change (even when we really want to).

Life begins at the end of your comfort zone.

—Neale Donald Walsch

Who hasn’t wanted to change something in their life? 
Who hasn’t wanted to make more money, lose a little weight, or maybe start eating healthier? 
Most humans, at one point or another, have wanted to change something.
True? Yes, true. 
And the sad and gloomy truth is—most people don’t.
Sorry to be a Debbie Downer. ?
Most people want to change, try to change and they just . . . . don’t do it. 
While we can all come up with a ga-zillion reasons why we didn’t do THAT THING (that we thought would make us happier, healthier, or wealthier) the MAIN reason we dont’ change is because  . . . 
IT”S HARD. IT’S UNCOMFORTABLE. IT’S SCARY. IT CAN SUCK A LITTLE. 
And while we all may sit around chat-chatting about how much we want X, Y or Z,  there are about 1-3% of us that will actually pull through and make those big changes and keep at it consistently. 
We don’t change just because it’s hard? Yep, just because it’s hard. 
Let’s be real . . . . faced with 2 choices, we almost always take the one that feels easier and safer.   
We almost always choose what we know, even if it’s not the best thing for us. 
We are creatures of habit, even when those habits are harmful to us. 
Even when those habits can be lethal to us. 
So what’s the trick?
What’s the key to getting into the 1-3% group? 
As cliché as it may sound—they feel the fear and do it anyway.
They carpe diem the shit out of each day. 
They don’t give up when it’s hard. They get help. 
And they drop the excuses, the justifications and the old stories that keep them in stuck-ville. 
The super cool thing about it is—it’s only hard for a little while. 
 
Then the things that once felt uncomfortable start feeling less uncomfortable or challenging.  
You start to feel more ALIVE changing your diet, eating more high vibe foods and saying no to the daily donuts (or 5 cups of joe). 
You feel more COMFORTABLE asking for the sale with your clients. 
You don’t want to pee yourself when you say yes to a public speaking event (and actually follow through with it).
You start to feel more confident speaking your truth. 
You step through what scares you, face it like superwoman (or man) and you do what the other 97% won’t.  
You change. You say yes to your power. You open up new doors to all sorts of magic. 
And then you just keep doing it. Rinse and repeat. 
The main thing to remember when you are seeking change in your life . . .
You have 2 choices—
1. To hold back and not go after that thing you want to shift, change or try. To keep living in fear. To keep doing things that you know are chipping away at your soul. 
2. Do it. Face it. Conquer it. Choose to say YES to creating new habits. Habits that get you on track to living an incredible, energetically rich and connected life. 
And you don’t have to do it alone. In fact, I would highly advise not doing it alone. 
Get help. Get a coach or mentor. Read the books. Reach out to others who have been where you’re at and made the changes. 
And then welcome yourself to the 3%-ers club! The club for those ready to live life on their terms—a life outside of that boring old box. 
xo
Carrie
p.s. I help people see their energetic blocks and give them tools to fix them. If you are READY to work on changing something NOW and are done messing around, click here to grab a clarity call .  
What to do when you get emotionally sucker punched.

What to do when you get emotionally sucker punched.

It never feels good to be criticized, judged or blamed, does it?  And especially when it’s delivered in a way that sort of feels like it’s an emotional blow from out of nowhere.
 
 So what might you do when you get emotionally sucker punched?
  1. You punch back(not literally of course!)—you react off the cuff and say something that may, momentarily give you a sense of relief (p.s.  this never works)
  2. You pretend it didn’t hurt and self medicate with alcohol, food, shopping or other such feeling stuffing activities. Or my favorite . . . . saying “I’m fine” (when you really feel like crying, screaming or curling up in a corner)
  3. You allow the feelings. You sit with it and accept it. Then you kindly ask that voice what it wants. You hear it out. And then you let it know it isn’t running the show. Then—you tell the truth about it all—that you are loved and the universe always has your back.
 Let’s hope you choose “3” even though “1” and “2” can be tempting at times.
 
But the temptation to lash out, react and feeling stuff—aren’t conscious choices. They are choices that create a cause and effect that eventually circle back around to bite us in the butt.
 
These awkward moments when we feel hurt by someone else’s actions or words can be great gifts for healing, clarity and allowing even MORE light and goodness into our lives—if we choose to see it that way.
 

And whether you’re highly sensitive or not—it takes patience, understanding and personal strength to stay present in the moment when someone is saying something that feels hurtful or unconscious to you and listen in a non defensive way.

 
It can be challenging. Especially if one of your biggest wounds is around feeling that you aren’t good enough, aren’t deserving of good things or any sort of “lack of” mentality.  The tricky thing about those feelings or beliefs—is that you can think you have dealt with them, only to find them resurface out of the blue.
 
Primarily, those feelings and voices are the egos defense mechanism that more often than not—are trying to protect you.
 
The “maybe you aren’t really good at that” voice is simply trying to prevent you from trying again—so you wont have to get hurt.
 
The “you don’t really deserve that” voice is only trying to shield you from experiencing loss when something you want doesn’t come through.
 
And I am obviously NOT talking about truly dangerous things (like extreme sports or alligator wrestling or something . . . . that indeed you MAY NOT be great at)—and in which case that inner voice is doing its job!
 
But that little (bleep) of a voice doesn’t truly protect us, does it?
 
No, it doesn’t.
 
That little voice hampers us. It hinders us and holds us back.
 
It isn’t a voice of power, of growth and of alignment with our soul.
 
But we listen to it momentarily when it rears its ugly head.
 
We let it in. We don’t shove, stuff or medicate it away.
 
But then we get to tell it to step aside and let the truth of who we are take the lead. Because the truth of who we are doesn’t need protecting.
 
The truth of who we are isn’t afraid.
Or not good enough.
Or defensive.
Or blaming.
 

The truth of who we are is light, love and brilliance. And no matter how many layers of wounds and misdirected inner voices we have to REDIRECT—we can always find our way back to what’s true.  Always.

 
So the next time someone tells you you aren’t good at something, or you feel hurt by someone else’s words—know that it’s only their opinion.
 
It’s not necessarily the truth.  It’s just their truth.
 
And in the end—you get to choose what to do with that.  That’s the beauty of the freedom, power and gift we have in the ability to choose.
 
Bisous
xo
Carrie
 

8 self-help beliefs that may do more harm than good.

 

Self help is great in some respects and in others, it can be frustrating, confusing and jut plain wackadoodle.

It’s not that I don’t think it has merit (I am a self help author and coach after all : )

It’s that there are a few central beliefs that are thrown around in the self help world, that may trip people up. 

They may actually make you wanna pull your hair out and scream profanities at the universe. 

We start to hear them so much—that they are reduced to catchy new age slogans that we sort of tune out after awhile. 

You learn about the “manifest your dreams” thing. You study it. You get excited about it. You read more books about it, maybe attend a workshop.  

You’re hopeful. Excited even. 

And then it doesn’t work. 

You still don’t like your job. 

You still feel disconnected. 

You still don’t have six pack abs, stacks of gold or endless youth and vitality. 

And you certainly don’t feel like you’re manifesting your dreams. 

So you decide that—

Self help must not work. That woo-woo stuff must be a bunch of b.s.

And you scream profanities at the universe. 

I get it. I’ve been there. 

If you follow the self help or spiritual growth world—there’s little doubt you’ve heard the following sayings. But as with anything in life, let’s look at them with a curious, open mind and make sure they are truly of benefit to us—and not actually holding us back or a source of frustration (an energy that doesn’t help us to attract what we want)

8 self-help beliefs that may do more harm than good—

1. Everything happens for a reason—Maybe it doesn’t. Maybe some things happens, just because they do. Maybe we don’t need to try to connect ourselves to horrible things, and internalize that we deserve it, or we attracted it. Maybe some things just happen, regardless of our energy, our horoscope or how the planets are lined up.  Maybe the only reason it happened is for us to learn to maintain our vibration, no matter what (very good idea indeed)

2. Ask and it is given.  Maybe everything we ask for, isn’t given—in exactly the way we ask for it…. Maybe, as the Rolling Stones say—”You can’t always gets what you want, but if you try sometimes, you get what you need.”  

This, I found to be spot on. While I genuinely believed that winning millions in the lottery was not only possible, but highly probable, it still didn’t happen. But what did happen, is that I won the “life lottery” in so many more meaningful ways than just a mountain of money (but yes, the prosperity showed up too : )

3. You get what you give (or you attract everything to you based on what energy you give out in the world) Mmmmmm, as much as Abraham Hicks tries to explain why young kids get horrible diseases, and why traumatic things happen to innocent souls—I don’t buy this one all the time.

And, it’s another potential black hole for guilt. If all these bad things happen to me—then I must have deserved it, right?  This one, we need to take with a grain of salt and be easy on ourselves.

Yes, I do believe we are energetic magnets. I do think there is great value in learning to master how we feel and what we think. I also believe that there are certain things that fall out of our ability to explain, or make sense of. And the best thing we can do is get back to a place of feeling good, feeling better and being playful, deliberate and light about our energy, no matter what happens. 

4. Don’t do it if it doesn’t feel good.   I am pretty sure cleaning toilets won’t ever feel good to me. Or paying taxes. But I do them anyway. I like not being in jail and having a clean toilet!  And even beyond those trivial things—there are the larger growth phases we may go through in life, that don’t feel good. But when we move beyond our comfort zone, feel a bit of the uncomfortableness—the gifts that are on the other side are worth it. 

5. Live just for the moment, just for the now.  As a parent of an 18 and 20 year old, to tell them to only live for the now and today—would be leaving out a big part of it. Yes, I get the idea behind this one. Be present. Enjoy the now.  But I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that my “now” is pretty amazing because a few years back, I planned ahead, thought about my future and set things in motion to make sure my “now” would be what I wanted it to be. 

Sometimes you gotta live for tomorrow a little bit as well.  It’s not just about now. It’s about setting the intention to have a succession of successful and pleasing “nows.”  That requires we think ahead, plan ahead and create a vision for what we want our tomorrow to look like. 

6. Never say never.  I am never going to intentionally eat insects. Never. Never going to jump out of a plane. Never. I will never again spend so much of my energy on being angry or arguing over pointless things. There are things I know I will never do again. It’s ok to say never when you’re that clear. Clarity is good. 

7. You create your reality. Do the babies that get hurt or have horrible illnesses create that reality?  Some would say it’s the parents’ energy. Some would say that yes, that child did, on an energetic level—create whatever is in their reality. I don’t buy it. I think sometimes bad things simply happen. It’s then up to us to react, feel and think in ways that get us back on track, energetically speaking. 
While I do believe this one a good portion of the time, there are certain situations that I simply can’t accept as being created by that person.  God will have some explaining to do. Again, this one can make some feel like they deserve unwanted or bad things and can create unnecessary guilt and self doubt.
8. We are all mirrors or we are all one. I am not one with certain people. Just no. My energy and who I am, is not one and the same with people who do unspeakable things. Nope. If this is a universal truth, God will have to explain this one as well. Just don’t buy it and I think it turns people away from self help and personal growth.

There is good intention behind all these beliefs. And there are aspects of each, that I believe to be absolutely true. 

But the main point we need to remember here is this—

Lets not be sheeple!!! (see definition)

sheeple—people compared to sheep in being docile, foolish, or easily led.
Let’s shy away from believing something simply because the latest, greatest self help author or guru wrote about it. 
And better yet, let’s not be spiritual sheeple. 
Let’s not believe it just because the latest, greatest self help author or guru wrote about it. 

Believe it because it feels right and adds value to your life. 

We gravitate towards self help to be helped.

To feel better. To manifest our dreams. To feel loved and connected. 

We reach out to self help to  . . .  get help!

So if it isn’t helping, then move on or take a good hard look at YOU. 

Maybe it isn’t the saying that doesn’t work. Maybe it’s old beliefs, ways of thinking and feeling that are tripping you up. 

Maybe you do create your reality through your energy—but simply understanding what that means, isn’t enough. 

It has to be lived. 

And it has to be felt, known and believed in such a way that there isn’t an OUNCE OF DOUBT. 

AND THAT, my dear friend—takes patience, time and commitment. 

But that’s a whole other topic (and post)

Remember—it takes us decades to learn ways of reacting, feeling and thinking in the world that maybe DON’T work in our favor. 

So let’s give ourselves a little break, be patient and acknowledge that it may take a bit more that a workshop, a book or one online program—to change something in our life.

Self-help and personal growth are merely tools we can use to get closer to what we want in life. 

But ultimately any of those tools, beliefs and online workshops, aren’t worth a dime if your aren’t going to make a conscious choice to change the thing you want to change. 

SO IT COMES DOWN TO A CHOICE. 

You have to consciously CHOOSE to change.

But how cool is that?

 It’s ultimately, your choice. 

Your choice how your life looks + feels. 

Big blessings,

Carrie

The art of whining and how to quit that

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“The essence of all beautiful art, all great art, is gratitude.”
             – Friedrich Nietzsche

So I’m not really going to write about the art of being a whiner, in the sense that I really think it’s an art—and to be appreciated or revered like the Mona Lisa. 

Rather, I want to whine about the whiners. 

And if you don’t know what the official definition of a whiner is, see below and thank you to the almighty Merriam Webster—

whiner (noun)

  1. a person who makes frequent complaints usually about little things

I think we could expand that definition to include big things as well.  There are plenty of people who make a habit out of whining about the big things—taxes, politics, environmental and social issues, etc. 

But the MAJOR difference I see between whining and constructively bringing awareness to “big” topics —is that whining generally doesn’t involve any sort of solution and it tends to be a repetitive pattern–sort of like a broken record. 

I mean, most of us don’t LOVE taxes, but is whining about it 24/7 really doing anything? No it isn’t.

Yes, we can bring awareness to important topics, but in order to fix a perceived problem—we have to quickly switch our predominant focus (vibration) to solution based thinking. 

The truth is—we’ve become a society of chronic whiners. And why is that? We have more “stuff,” more supposed freedom and more choices than ever before—yet we whine, we whine and we whine a little more.

We complain about little things like our iPhone reception, the horrible wifi connection, the traffic, how much we don’t like our ______our_______and our________.  And we complain about the larger, much more pressing issues—but it seems few actually get out in the trenches and do something about it. 

We like to complain A LOT for a society that supposedly has A LOT.  So . . . .maybe it’s not the stuff that makes us happy (big hint). 

Or maybe it’s that the complaining is actually a pretty big clue that our lives are—

  • out of balance
  • not appreciated enough
  • or a big combination of both

The point is—if you care anything about living a life that is energetically awesome, joy filled and full of things you love—whining won’t be instrumental in getting (or keeping) you there. 

Whining ruins things. Whining makes you feel icky. It is an insidious little jerk that winds up sucking the sparkle and light from your soul. 

So, what this article is really about isn’t the art of whining—it’s about the art of appreciating. 

Because appreciating is really the opposite energy of whining. And appreciation is what gets you happy, healthy, abundant and just basically like a puppy frolicking in a spring meadow full of flowers (I know, it’s dorky, but isn’t it a cute visual?)

Here are 4 simple tips to turn a bad case of the whines into a better case of appreciation and gratitude (because this is what gets you the goods)—

  1. Pay attention. Most people are super detached from who they really are and how they are showing up in life.  Choose to pay attention to the overall vibes you are putting out into the universe.  Committing to becoming more aware of what you are offering is critical. 
  2. Notice patterns and major “themes” that you tend to repeat. Do you manage to feel a great deal of gratitude in certain situation or at certain times? And in other situations, notice it heads south into the deep, dark abyss of whiner-land?  Note those times that you feel deep gratitude and appreciation and—DO THAT MORE.  And note those times you head towards the dark side and—DO THAT LESS. 
  3. Appreciation journal. Create an appreciation journal and before you go to bed every night and write down what you appreciate in your life. If you’re too tired or lazy to do this—go back to step one and start over.  The more you find to appreciate, the more to appreciate will find you. 
  4. Practice, commit and repeat. Turn these simple few steps into a new habit. It only takes about 30 days to change a behavior and the same amount of time to create a better habit. 

You can’t fix a problem by putting the majority of your energy and focus on what’s wrong. You fix a problem, big or small (world hunger or a hangnail)—by focusing on the solution and then bringing action and appreciation into the mix.  

Is it idealistic (or nearly impossible) to try to find something to appreciate in the face of something painful or horrible? Yes, it can be. But it’s the key to being able to change it.  Plus, it just feels way better than staying stuck in feeling bad, powerless, frustrated, angry or resentful. 

Let’s choose to create habits and ways of being that support living beautiful lives—lives that we find more to appreciate and be grateful for than we do to complain about. 

Lives that our dear grandmas would be proud of. 

Here’s to you!  I know you will choose wisely. 

Big blessings,

Carrie